Dancing With the Stars sends Paulina Porizkova packing

by Jennifer Squires Biller
photo: ABC

Supermodel Paulina Porizkova was the first celebrity voted off of Dancing With the Stars. I think I speak for all of us when I say, “Huh!?!?”

Porizkova wasn’t the best dancer, but she was certainly in the top tier. She was graceful and elegant and mastered the footwork of her first two dances.

America, you have let me down. This gal deserved to stick around for a few weeks. Shame on you. I know you love Cliff Clavin. Who doesn’t? And apparently you like Leeza Gibbons, too But, seriously, this is a dance competition. John Ratzenberger, Gibbons, and Shandi Finnessey should have been the three most likely to leave, not the chic and funny Porizkova.

I think she summed it up best when she said that only her family was voting for her and there just weren’t enough of them. Sad, but true. At the end of the day, this is a popularity contest. I keep forgetting that it’s not all about the dancing.

Meanwhile, Laila Ali could win this thing. That’s my fearless prediction.

After her sensational mambo, Ali and her partner, Max, earned the first set of triple nines from the judges. She shook her booty like a pro, looking more like a professional ballroom dancer than a professional boxer. She was elegant, sexy, and to quote Bruno, “simply irresistible.” It was the best mambo of the night. It’s nice to see a female come out strong so early, as the competition always tends to be male dominated near the end.

Speaking of fantastic female performances, can we talk about Heather Mills? Wow. I completely underestimated this gal. She did the most difficult mambo routine of all the ladies, and she did it well. And did I mention she has a prosthetic leg?

I literally gasped during the routine, when Mills catapulted herself into a back walkover, a difficult gymnastic move that involves planting your hands and walking your legs backward over your head. I was nervous about her leg remaining intact. It did, and she performed beautifully. The audience was as shocked as I was at her gymnastic ability. The camera panned to the people in the crowd and they stared at Mills in shock and disbelief. Way to go Heather! You rocked the floor.

The most amusing contestant this year is undoubtedly country singer and self-professed hillbilly Billy Ray Cyrus. He earns the “Springer Award” for his winning attitude and comedic personality, in honor of last year’s jokester Jerry Springer. Every word out of Cyrus’ mouth is a comedy sound bite. Witness these gems from this week:


---“Don’t break your frame. Your achy breaky frame. I just don’t think they’ll understand.”
---“Where I come from, one slow doesn’t equal two quicks.” – on getting the footwork down for his new dance
---“We were sabotaged.” – on the fact that his partner’s wig got stuck during their bit at the end of their dance routine
---“When you come in to a ballroom competition, and you’re dancing to a song called 'I Want My Mullet Back,' you’ve already got one foot in the hole.”

Cyrus was the “most improved” contestant, according to judge Carrie Ann. “You look like a proper ballroom dancer,” she told him. I was just happy to see that he had slicked his hair back so I could see his face this week. You can’t help but love Billy Ray, even when he uses words like “funnest.” The man is universally endearing. He’s an awkward mover at times, but his personality is effervescent enough to make me want him there week after week.

Ian Ziering gave a decent performance, too. Is it wrong that I was just as excited to see his former 90210 costar Brian Austin Green in the audience cheering him on, as I was to see Ian dance? The segment with Ian’s father made me weepy. I was fighting back the tears when the camera panned to the proud dad in the audience. I agree with Carrie Ann that Ian has incredible potential, if he’d just unleash it. He could be in the top two.

I think Shandi Finnessey got the raw end of the deal this week. Her routine was OK, but the judges gave her some harsh criticism. Then, Clyde Drexler followed her routine with an even worse one, and the judges had only kind things to say. Strange. It seems year after year, the judges are kinder to the athletes and tougher on the women.

Joey Fatone proved he’s got great footwork, but he looked like he was channeling Urkel in his opening moves. Nevertheless, the boy can move. He’ll probably be in the top two. Shocking, I know, a boy bander who can dance. Len called Fatone a “geezer” at one point during the critique. I’m not sure what the British/American translations is, but I’m dying to find out so I can start using the word “geezer” in my every-day vocabulary.

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