Commentary with a Co-Ed: Get spooky with The Simpsons Halloween

by Ashley Gouveia

Happy Halloween!

Since it is the one day of the year where it’s considered fun to be frightened I thought I would sit down and watch the screener for this Sunday’s Simpson’s episode. Now I know you’re probably thinking I shouldn’t get scared of cartoons, but I can’t help it. Mr. Burns is one freaky-looking cartoon character.

Let’s move on.

I was prepared for the creepy and scary moments similar to previous years. But I am glad to report that this one didn’t have the same effect on me. Apart from Mr. Burns not being in the episode, it was focused more on the funny and satirical parts of the holidays. It had Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween all wrapped into one. I actually laughed out loud at some of the jokes.

There’s a really funny part right in the beginning when Election Day hits Springfield. It involves Homer, John McCain and an electronic voting machine. Craziness ensues and we get a few laughs from it. Also, look out for Grandpa Simpson’s vote for pres. I think he’s standing alone on that one.

Then Christmas arrived early for the residents of Springfield. I guess it’s not only the department stores that like to rush the holidays. Bart decides to give Lisa a Malibu Stacy convertible that transforms itself and every other electronic device into fighting killer robots. This one had its moments, like what the robots decide to do after they stop fighting with each other, but it wasn’t my favorite part of the episode.

I’m not an avid fan of The Simpsons but I think that killing Homer is the running joke of the show. Every minute he was getting blown away or eaten by something, which was entertaining. I especially like what happens after he goes on a killing rampage and decides to take out celebrities for profit. The way that one ends is pretty hysterical. Let’s just say I can’t look at Abe Lincoln in the same way after this.

Without a doubt my favorite part of the episode has to be the It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown parody. It had the most laughs with the so-called “pumpkin atrocities” that we humans do every Halloween. I also learned some facts about pumpkins that I never knew before.

If you’re sick of the traditional slasher flicks and just want something to make you laugh, then check out the new Simpson’s episode on Sunday November 2nd at 8/7c.

Commentary with a Co-Ed is a weekly column at Tube Talk new every Friday.

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Jon Stewart and Dan Rather guest on The Simpsons

This Sunday on The Simpsons, Jon Stewart and Dan Rather are making guest-voice appearances.

Stewart and Rather are two of the many reporters from around the nation that descend on Springfield to cover the presidential primary.

As you know, things never go as planned in Springfield. Hence, the voters reject all the candidates and make local boy and “notorious bed-wetter” Ralph Wiggum the frontrunner.

You thought I was going to say Bart, didn’t you?

For more on Ralph’s political campaign, check out this Web site where you can get his thoughts on the issues. For example, on immigration, Ralph had this to say: Immigration – “Stranger danger!”

Don’t miss the fun this Sunday, January 6, at 8 p.m. ET on FOX.

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Marge Simpson hates FOX promos

Marge Simpson hates those promo ads that constantly pop up on our television screens as much as we do.

In this hilarious clip, see how Mama Simpson handles the annoying interruptions, as she tries to tell us about The Simpson’s annual Halloween special. I wish her methods would work for me!

The Simpson’s Halloween episode, Treehouse of Horror XVIII, airs Sunday at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Bart, Lisa and their friends spend Halloween night pulling pranks on unsuspecting people in Springfield. But, when they go too far, Flanders decides to spook them straight.

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Halloween costumes for TV lovers

Planning your Halloween costume just got a whole lot easier. Here at Tube Talk, we’re dedicated to making sure you spread the gospel of the small screen on Halloween with some fun TV-themed costumes.

The funniest costume I’ve seen this year is for Ugly Betty. ABC is hooking you up with Betty’s infamous signature Guadalajara poncho at its Web site. Braces, glasses and stringy-hair are not included in the $39.95 price. All orders this week at the ABC Web site are 10 percent off. (No, I’m not getting a commission, but if ABC would like to help a girl out, I wouldn’t refuse it.)

If Ugly Betty isn’t your taste, then how about going to the party as Dr. McDreamy? You’re sure to at least score a date or some mouth-to-mouth. Grey’s Anatomy doctors’ scrubs and lab coats would make fun costumes.

For the more daring, or should I say desperate, dress as Desperate Housewives’ Gabrielle in her pink and green joy apron. Underneath garments are optional. As you know, Gabrielle didn’t even wear undies on her wedding day.

For the sports fan, NBC is offering a Tim Riggins football jersey that could easily be transformed into a Halloween costume. Just add some eye black and shoulder pads, and you’ll feel like a Dillon panther. Be warned, though, Riggins usually ends up in a fight with someone, so the pads are a necessity.

There are plenty of other TV-centric Halloween costumes online. From a Homer Simpson mask, to an I Love Lucy ensemble, to Saturday Night Live’s Mary Katherine Gallagher, or Geico Cavemen, or Hannah Montana, even the choosiest TV fan can find something to their liking.

So if you want to make a lasting impression, why not go as a TV character. I mean, who could resist someone dressed as Lt. Dangle from Reno 911? Not this TV girl.

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Homer Simpson’s football picks

In honor of FOX’s new fall season kicking off this Sunday, September 23, Homer Simpson and his pals got together to talk football. Homer, Hank Hill, from King of the Hill, Peter Griffin, from Family Guy, and Stan Smith, from American Dad, are making their hilarious picks for this football season.

Homer, a man after my own heart, somehow manages to work in Bobby Ewing, Sue Ellen Ewing, and Peter Cetera in his explanation for who would win in a Dallas Cowboys/Chicago Bears match up.

Check out these hilarious explanations.

Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots:
Peter Griffin (FAMILY GUY): Well, first of all, New England is just freakin’ sweet. They may not lose a game the entire year. Plus, the Pats got spy cameras watchin’ you. Just like the government. “The Patriot Act” – that was all Belichick’s idea. My pick: New England.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Baltimore Ravens:
Homer Simpson (THE SIMPSONS): Because it’s the Cardinals versus the Ravens, I’m passing this one off to our family’s bird-nerd, Lisa Simpson.
Lisa Simpson: It’s called an ornithologist.
Homer Simpson: Thanks for nothing. Take the Ravens.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Houston Texans:
Stan Smith (AMERICAN DAD): You know, my first gun was a Colt 45. Man, I shot TONS of people with that thing! My pick: Indianapolis Colts.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Chicago Bears:
Hank Hill (KING OF THE HILL): Who's going to win the Cowboys/Bears game? Frankly I'm a little insulted you'd even ask me that question. The Cowboys are America's team. So I am going to go with America. My pick: Dallas Cowboys.
Homer Simpson: Let’s see... If the show “Dallas” fought the band Chicago, who would win? Well, Bobby Ewing’s got a cannon for an arm, but you’re never going to get a passing game going with Peter Cetera coming on the blitz. It all comes down to special teams. I see Sue Ellen kicking a last-second field goal to give Dallas the win. But this game is up against THE SIMPSONS season premiere, starring Lionel Richie and Stephen Colbert, so watch that instead.

New York Giants vs. Washington Redskins:
Homer Simpson: I pick the Giants because their backup quarterback, Jared Lorenzen, like myself is a man of great weight. You’re sending an important message to today’s kids – obesity is not a problem in America.

Denver Broncos vs. Jacksonville Jaguars:
Stan Smith: Ah, Denver, the Mile High City. Wait, does that mean it's actually a mile high? So if Franny and I, you know (whistling), in Denver ... would that, like ... would that put us into the Mile High Club? My pick: Denver Broncos.

San Francisco 49ers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers:
Peter Griffin: The hometown fans are going to be pretty intense for Pittsburgh. They got nothing else to live for. The only chance for San Fran is if they can get Barry Bonds to play quarterback. Good luck finding a helmet to fit over that huge melon he calls a head. My pick: Pittsburgh Steelers.

Detroit Lions vs. Philadelphia Eagles:
Homer Simpson: You’re a winner for not living in either of these cities. Unless you do, in which case I pick the city that is home to the Liberty Bell – Detroit. They stole it when Philadelphia wasn’t looking.

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Seattle Seahawks:
Stan Smith: You gotta go with the team you know the best. I got to know the Bengals pretty well by arresting nine of them … Those guys are characters! My pick: Cincinnati Bengals.

Cleveland Browns vs. Oakland Raiders:
Hank Hill: Cleveland at Oakland? Well, neither of them are the Cowboys – and, well, Oakland is in California, so I'm going to have to go with Browns. My pick: Cleveland Browns.

San Diego Chargers vs. Green Bay Packers:
Homer Simpson: Brett Favre, I respect you enormously, but sir, it’s time to retire. Just open a steakhouse called Brett’s Place and put your old football junk in it. In the first year, go by once or twice a week, then never go again. My pick? Brett’s Place. For the best onion rings in the entire Wisconsin thumb.

Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons:
Hank Hill: I still think of the Panthers as a new team. And I generally don't like things that are new. And since the Panthers knocked the Cowboys out of the playoffs twice, I'll take the Falcons out of spite. My pick: Atlanta Falcons.

Miami Dolphins vs. New York Jets:
Homer Simpson: Both of these cities are awesome places to visit. Why do they even need football? However, I do like how the dolphin on the Miami helmet wears a helmet. That’s smart. Safety first. Miami by six.

St. Louis Rams vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
Peter Griffin: Well, the Rams got Mark Bulger and he’s tough to stop. Hehehe, bulge. My pick: St. Louis Rams.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Kansas City Chiefs:
Homer Simpson: I think Kansas City will be cooking up a tasty victory against the ... oh, “Chiefs.” I thought it said “Chefs.” Anyway, take Kansas City. Because the Vikings with their wide stance and tapping toes will never get out of the Minneapolis Airport men’s room.

The Simpsons 19th season premiere begins Sunday at 8 p.m., followed by a football-themed episode of King of the Hill at 8:30 p.m. Then, a special Star Wars episode of Family Guy is scheduled for 9 p.m. follwed by the season premiere of American Dad at 9:30 p.m.

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Tube news

House scoop
Dr . House’s team of cohorts will be back this season, according to scoop out of the Television Critics Association press tour. After the finale, it appeared that House would be working with a new group of docs this season. However, Jesse Spencer, Omar Epps and Jennifer Morrison will all be back. I’m sure we have Cuddy to thank for this.

Laila Ali weds
Tough girl Laila Ali recently tied the knot, TV Guide is reporting. The Dancing with the Stars finalist married retired NFL star Curtis Conway on July 22. No word on whether her ex-partner Maks danced at the wedding.

Simpsons guest stars
A slew of celebrities have signed on to guest voice this year on The Simpsons. Jack Black, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Placido Domingo, Dan Rather, "Weird" Al Yankovic, Matt Dillon, Kurt Loder, Beverly D'Angelo, Maya Rudolph and Topher Grace will visit Springfield.

Ex-Creek star heads to CSI: NY
Kerr Smith of Dawson's Creek will be joining the cast of CSI: NY this season. As much as I love Jack McPhee, not even he could get me to watch that show.

Ex NYPD Blue star joins Jericho
Esai Morales, who NYPD Blue fans will recognize from his stint as the “boss,” will take a recurring role on CBS' resurrected midseason drama Jericho. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Morales is scheduled for six episodes.

Michael Rapaport to join My Name is Earl
Actor Michael Rapaport will play a fellow prisoner of Earl’s in the upcoming season of My Name is Earl. His character is recurring. Let’s hope that’s true. I don’t want to see Earl behind bars for the entirety of the season.

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TV’s Best Dads

Television dads usually fit in two categories: perfect, advice-doling successful professionals or lazy, buffoons at the mercy of their more perfect wives and families. The best ones, however, usually combine elements from both categories.

Let’s face it, no one’s perfect, and television’s best dads often don’t get it right either, (therein lies the humor.) But the beauty is that they keep trying to guide their children with the wisdom of their mistakes and the knowledge that supposedly, father knows best.

In honor of Father’s Day, I turn the spotlight on some of my favorite fathers of the small screen. Any of these worthy men could claim the title of Television’s Best Dad.

Cliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show – Every kid in the ‘80s wanted Dr. Huxtable as a father. He was funny and fun-loving, stern without being preachy, and he wore those multi-colored sweaters that made him the best-dressed dad on the block. Whether he was teaching Theo to win back his girlfriend by singing the blues ("Justine! Justine!"), or conducting a funeral for Rudy’s pet goldfish, Lamont, in order to help her through the grief, Cliff always seemed to know how to fix any situation.

Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch – Mike was the perfect “dreamy” dad for girls who grew up in the ‘70s. He was a handsome architect, who was tough but understanding. Daughter Marcia was so impressed with her stepfather that she nominated him for Father of the Year in a local newspaper contest. He won, of course. (Hey, he should have, considering he was raising six children on one salary and still had time to offer advice on everything from boyfriends to sibling rivalry to education.) No doubt, Mike was a groovy dad, and he had the plaid pants to prove it.

Howard Cunningham, Happy Days – Known simply as Mr. C to the ever-present motley crew of guests at the Cunningham house, Howard was a father figure to not only Joanie and Richie, but Ralph, Potsie and Fonzie, too. Mr. C was a hard-working father of the ‘50s, who ran his hardware store and expected the pot roast to be on the table for dinner when he got home. That didn’t make him any less likeable. Mr. C gave good advice to his children and their friends in such a jovial manner that even tough-guy Fonz looked to him as a solid role model. (For the record, I’m pretty sure Mr. C cautioned him against jumping the shark.)

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons – Clearly, Homer isn’t the smartest dad on television. But, just because he put the “D’oh” in dolt, doesn’t mean he doesn’t make an effort in loving his kids. What other TV father would choose to jump a ravine the size of The Grand Canyon on a skateboard, just to show Bart how potentially dangerous and ridiculous the stunt was? Sure, Homer forgets to pick his kids up from after-school activities sometimes, but at the end of the day, the Simpson kids know they’re loved. The simple fact that Homer’s kids never seem to age automatically qualifies him as one of TV’s best dads. You try putting up with smart aleck adolescent Bart Simpson for 15 years.

Tim Taylor, Home Improvement – Tim “The Toolman” Taylor was a klutzy guy with a fetish for cars, power tools and needling his flannel-wearing assistant Al. Tim parented with humor, and it seemed to work. His three boys saw him as a friend and a father. Perhaps Tim’s best parenting quality is that he bucked the trend of former TV dads who always seemed to have all the answers. When Tim was stumped as to what to do in a situation, which was often, he sought help at his backyard fence. (“Hi-de-ho, neighbor” Dr. Wilson!) Tim showed fathers everywhere that it’s OK not to always know the right thing to do. Simply trying to figure things out was enough.

Jason Seaver, Growing Pains – The original Mr. Mom, Dr. Jason Seaver worked at home, so his wife could be a journalist. Jason had a tough job trying to juggle his psychiatry patients, while dealing with slacker son Mike (think Bart Simpson in human form) and the rest of his brood. Whether helping daughter Carol confront her weight issues, bailing Mike out of his latest scrape or parenting Ben and Chrissy, Jason never faltered as a father. Hmmm, on second thought, perhaps he was self-medicating.

Danny Tanner, Full House – This single dad had a “full house” of young girls to raise, after his wife was killed in a car accident. Danny was overwhelmed at the onset and was smart enough to get help, in the form of extended family Uncle Jesse and his best friend Joey. What evolved was a house full of love that fostered fun times, despite the tragic loss of a parent. Danny gave single fathers everywhere a good name.

Keith Mars, Veronica Mars – Every girl dreams of having a dad so cool he can banter by day and solve mysteries by night. Keith Mars was a detective and a sheriff, but I’m sure he’d want to be remembered for his most important role: father. Single-handedly guiding precocious daughter Veronica through her traumatic teen years was no easy feat. But, Keith gave Veronica respect, an ear to listen, a shoulder when she needed it, courage to make the right decisions, and forgiveness when she didn’t. The fact that he compromised his own morals and hid evidence to save her from being implicated in a crime earns Keith a spot on the best dad’s list. Plus, no one does sarcasm like Keith Mars.

Sandy Cohen, The O.C. – His eyebrows were legendary and often a point of ridicule for his sons, but Sandy Cohen didn’t mind. His humor was one of his best parenting tools. Sandy set a fine example as a father. Despite his wealth, he wasn’t satisfied simply with writing a check to charity; He brought charity home, opening his house and his heart to abused teen Ryan. Sandy became the father Ryan always wanted. (And who could blame him?) Sandy ran a tight ship, but not one that made his boys afraid to call him no matter the situation. Whether he was surfing with the boys or schmearing a bagel while dispensing fatherly wisdom, Sandy ranks as one of the coolest dads ever on the tube.

Mitch Leery, Dawson’s Creek – In the ‘90s, Mitch Leery gave fathers everywhere a wake-up call. Not only did he have frank discussions about sex and relationships with his son, he taught Dawson to follow his dreams. The fact that Dawson could talk to his dad no matter the subject was refreshing. Mitch once gave Dawson a blow-by-blow tutorial on kissing to prepare the teen for his first smooch. (Mitch recommended Chapstick.) Dawson wasn’t the only person crying the night Mitch was killed in an auto accident. It was a blow for fathers everywhere.



For Tube Talk Girl's list of TV's Best Mom's click here.

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TV moms

May 4, 2005

Television mothers are a breed all to themselves. Some inspire. (Marion Cunningham) Some conspire. (Samantha Stephens) And some just perspire. (Marge Simpson)

With Mother’s Day a few days away, I thought it only fitting to take a look at some of television’s most unique and hard-working mothers. TV moms usually can be grouped into one of two categories: painfully perfect or woefully inadequate. Regardless of how you categorize these lovely ladies, they are all entertaining.

Most comforting mom – Marion Cunningham, Happy Days. She made a mean pot roast, kept an immaculate house, and even darned socks. And she did it all in a dress, heels, and a perfectly styled up-do. Whether talking the birds and bees with Richard and Joanie or doling out advice to The Fonz, Mrs. C. was the show’s heart. There’s just something reassuring about a mom who cooks, cleans, and counsels with a twinkle in her eye and every hair in place. Her sense of humor and, sometimes, silly mistakes gave Mrs. C the edge in this category over fellow classic mother June Cleaver. Without Marion, Happy Days would have been just mediocre days.

Most patient mom – Marge Simpson, The Simpsons. Bart Simpson alone would test the patience of a saint. Add in the fact that Lisa’s constantly honking on that saxophone and Maggie can’t seem to get rid of that pacifier, and Marge could be a candidate for the most in need of a vacation. How this hard worker gets through the day without downing a mouth full of Zoloft is beyond me. Her patience is endless, considering her kids never seem to get any older.

Most incapable of cutting the apron strings – Ellie Ewing, Dallas. Known as Miss Ellie to all those near and dear, this mom was no pushover. Except when it came to telling her grown sons it was time to leave the nest. Granted, the nest was a sprawling mansion on a beautiful ranch, but still. Having sons J.R. and Bobby Ewing and their wives and children all under one roof was asking a bit much. This dysfunctional group could have used a session with Dr. Phil.

Coolest mom – Samantha Stephens, Bewitched. Sorry, but she’s a witch who can make things happen with just a twitch of her cute, upturned nose. That alone makes her the hands-down winner for this category. Watching Samantha handle her husband and juggle the daily chores of domesticity was fun. It gave a whole new meaning to the term “the magic of motherhood.”

Most envied mom – Carol Brady, The Brady Bunch. She had a live-in maid, a gorgeous husband, a cool house with a grand staircase, and six perfect children. What’s not to envy? She always seemed to know the right thing to say and the right amount of punishment to dish out if the kids stepped out of line. Perhaps her most enviable trait was that her kids actually listened.

Least savvy mom – Joyce Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not many mothers would allow their teenaged daughter to roam around cemeteries in the dead of night fighting and killing vampires. And I don’t know one who would be cool with that daughter dating a 200-year-old vampire. It’s safe to say that Joyce had questionable mothering skills. In her defense, she was clueless for most of the time, assuming Buffy was doing homework instead of staking the undead.

On a personal note, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish my mom a Happy Mother’s Day. In preparing my comments for this column, I accidentally discovered that the word “mom,” when written upside down, looks like “wow.” Which is funny, really, because that's exactly what she said that year in grade school when I made her a pencil holder out of felt and a rusty soup can.

Mom, thanks for all you’ve done and for not getting too mad the year I broke the chandelier with my baton.

Originally published 5/4/05 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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