Commentary with a Co-Ed: TV's best couples

by Ashley Gouveia

In honor of Valentine’s Day this Saturday, I decided that this would be the best time to make my list of television’s best and most memorable couples. There have been so many couples over the years that have left an impact on viewers so it was definitely a task to narrow it down. Whether these duos are breaking up, making up, or fighting to the death one cannot deny the sparks that fly in the process.

Buffy and Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer): These two were the definition of “star-crossed lovers”. A vampire in love with the Slayer, like Giles once said, “It’s rather poetic.” This couple had everything against them. He was more than 100-years old, and she was a high school student. Not to mention that she killed his species for a living. His basic instinct was to kill her, but instead he fell in love with her. Their story was filled with love and hate, but we never stopped rooting for them. Even when he turned evil and, she was going to kill him, we still hoped they would find a way back to each other. They did, for a while, but like any “star-crossed” couple they split apart. Buffy and Angel’s love story was one of the highlights of the series and deserve the top spot on this list.

Ross and Rachel (Friends): The fans only waited 10 years for these two to finally wake up and realize they belonged together. They had many trials and tribulations in their often-rocky relationship (remember the “we were on a break” debacle?), but they never stopped caring about each other. They were still friends, after all they had been through. Their first kiss at Central Perk is one of those memorable moments in TV history that fans will certainly never forget.

Jack/Kate/Sawyer (Lost): Okay, so I couldn’t choose which pair was better. The truth is that both men have amazing chemistry with Kate. I’m sure there are fans out there who could choose with no problem about which pair they would rather watch onscreen. I think the appeal of these two men with Kate is that they both have a very different type of relationship with her. Jack makes Kate a better person when she’s with him. He helped her through the weirdness that is the island. On many occasions he has been a source of strength for her. Sawyer and Kate have this amazing connection and sizzling attraction. Also, when they are together we get to see a softer side to Sawyer, which is always a nice thing to see.

These are my choices of the best couples of TV past and present. Which couples would make your list? Happy Valentine’s Day!

Commentary with a Co-Ed is a weekly column at Tube Talk new every Friday.

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Commentary with a Co-ed: Favorite Thanksgiving episodes

by Ashley Gouveia

If you’re like me and can’t bear to sit through The Annual Dog Show this Thanksgiving then I have something for you.

I have put together a list of my top favorite Thanksgiving episodes of TV shows, past and present. So before, during or after you all have eaten some turkey with cranberry, check out these episodes.

Friends, Season Eight. “The One with the Rumor”: Or as I like to call it, “The One with Brad Pitt.” I have lost count on how many times I’ve watched this episode. It never gets old to me. It’s still as funny as the first time I watched it. Ah, before Brangelina. It seems like a lifetime ago. Between Rachel’s “teeny-weenie” and Joey’s Thanksgiving pants, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments to burn off that extra piece of cheesecake.

The O.C, Season One. “The Homecoming”: Season one, The Golden Age of the series. This was the episode that showcased the hilarity of Seth Cohen at its best. His constant prevention of having his mother cook to his secret rendezvous sessions with both Summer and Anna are just some of the highlights. Then when the girls caught on to what was really going on…holy awkward! The Cohen house was definitely eventful that Thanksgiving. This one is not to be missed.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season Four. “Pangs”: Angel returned, Xander had syphilis, Spike was tied to a chair, and did I mention Angel returned? This was part of the greatly missed Buffy/Angel crossover events that The WB always liked to do. Oh, the good ol’ days. All Buffy wanted was a nice Thanksgiving dinner and she ended up having to battle a Chumash tribe all before their first slice of turkey. How hysterical was it when Xander, Anya and Willow had to come peddling to her rescue on bicycles? Season four wasn’t my favorite but this episode stood out among the pack.

Ugly Betty, Season One. “Four Thanksgivings and a Funeral”: How can anyone forget Marc and Amanda dressing up in designer duds and putting on a musical number in Wilhelmina’s office? Hysterical! Plus, we got to see how much Betty would do for Daniel. Let’s not forgot she crossed the parade route and almost got run over by the Queer Eye guys riding a giant turkey. That girl needs to ask for a raise. We got to see more of Santos in the Casa de Suarez, which was always a good thing. This was an episode that I couldn’t leave off the list.

I hope you all check out these Thanksgiving-themed episodes of some of my favorite shows. I’ve got my DVD sets ready! Also, do you have a favorite moment from the episodes above? If you have some other favorite Thanksgiving episodes let me know. Have some extra stuffing and enjoy! Happy Turkey Day!

Commentary with a Co-Ed is a weekly column at Tube Talk new every Thursday.

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Strike update: How many episodes of your favorite shows are left?

You’re panicked, TV lovers, and I feel your pain.

From my overflowing e-mail box, it’s clear that the reality of no new episodes of your favorite TV shows is finally hitting you. It’s also clear that you’re anticipating a winter of discontent, locked in your basements watching your TV on DVD collections of Buffy, The Office, Seinfeld and Friends.

The most common question I’m getting is, “When will (insert show name here) stop airing?” Well, a few days ago I posted a link to that handy chart from the L.A. Times telling us how many episodes of each show had been shot and, in some cases, dates were listed. But now, TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello has compiled a new chart that tells us exactly how many episodes each show has left to air.

Just how many episodes of your shows are left to air? As of Sunday, November 11, here’s the tally. I’ve included some of my favorites here for quick reference, but for a complete list, see Ausiello’s novel.

Boston Legal, nine left
Bones, six left
Brothers & Sisters, after tonight five left
Chuck, six left
Desperate Housewives, after tonight three left
Friday Night Lights, nine left
Grey’s Anatomy, four left
Heroes, four left
Lost, eight left
Men in Trees, 14 left
One Tree Hill, 12 left
Private Practice, four or five left
Pushing Daisies, four left
Reaper, three to five left
Samantha Who, eight left
Scrubs, nine left
Smallville, eight left
Ugly Betty, five or six left

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TV’s funniest moments

For decades, television has made us laugh.

Whether it was Lucy and her Vitameatavegamin commercial, Jack Tripper and his famous falls, or Johnny Carson and his Carnac the Magnificent bit, television has provided plenty of comic relief.

This Friday, June 1, the Museum of Television and Radio will count down TV’s Funniest Moments on FOX at 8 p.m. ET.

The two-hour special showcases the 30 funniest moments of television, according to the museum folks. Sitcoms, variety shows, and sketch shows are all included in the fun fest.

I haven’t seen the show yet, but from the official FOX description, it features clips from I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, All in the Family, Spin City, Mad About You, In Living Color and The Bob Newhart Show.

Some of my favorite funny TV moments are Friends’ Ross getting stuck in his leather pants, Elaine dancing on Seinfeld, and the J.D. and Turk's musical number “Everything Comes Down to Poo” on Scrubs.

What are some of your favorite funny TV moments? Feel free to share them in the comments below.Then, tune in Friday to see if they made the cut.

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NBC says no more super-sizing

NBC has decided to stop “super-sizing” its sitcoms, Zap2It is reporting.

On behalf of my DVR and frustrated viewers everywhere, let me be the first to say, “It’s about time!”

NBC began the practice of extending its sitcoms by five to ten minutes back in 2001 to deter Friends viewers from switching the channel to CBS to catch the last half of Survivor. It worked then, but has become a constant frustration through the years for viewers and DVR boxes that never know when the NBC shows would stop and start. Those who recorded the programs often had problems getting the end or the beginning.

Vince Manze, NBC’s scheduling director, said that super-sizing isn’t effective as it once was.

“It was a good idea when we started it. It was very novel. But it's just not a good idea to have shows starting at 9:23 p.m.," Manze told TV Week.

Gee, do you think?

Why it’s taken six years for the network to discover that salient point is beyond me. The first time I missed the beginning of The Office taught me that lesson.

Thank you, NBC, for halting this annoying scheduling gimmick.

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DVR goodness and The O.C.

September 7, 2005

To all my friends and family members who’ve I’ve ignored on Wednesday nights, I’m sorry.

Rest assured, I now will be taking phone calls during Lost. And there will be no more hiding, when you ring the doorbell during Veronica Mars.

You see, life, as I know it, has changed. I recently purchased a digital video recorder, more commonly known as a DVR. Or as I like to call it, the smartest machine on planet Earth.

This TiVo-esque little black box, affectionately termed FauxVo, has magical powers. You can actually pause live television for up to two hours, to take a phone call or answer the door, and then pick up where you stopped watching. I know, I always thought the ability to freeze live moments was only a fictitious ability of the Charmed Halliwell witches, too. But, that was before I met my DVR.

You can fast forward through a recorded program with the super speed of Clark Kent. You can record two programs simultaneously, while watching another one live. You can choose name-based recording, and the DVR will find all the episodes of a show, or just the new episodes, and record them, regardless of any changes in program length or broadcast schedule. Take that NBC, the network that commonly lengthens sitcoms an additional 10 minutes to discourage viewers from flipping to another network.

You can search for programs, by actors’ names or by show title or by content information. Want to record every rerun of Friends for the week? Not a problem for the DVR. How about every show featuring Tom Selleck? It’s easy for the DVR.

You can actually watch a 30-minute show in about the same time it takes to microwave a bag of popcorn. OK, so I’m exaggerating somewhat, but you get the idea. It’s fast.

Admittedly, the first few days with my DVR, I had trust issues. I set my VCR as a backup, so I wouldn’t miss Inside 9/11 or the new show Prison Break. But, the DVR didn’t let me down, despite a power outage while I was out of town.

So, call me a geek if you like. I don’t mind. For a small monthly fee, I’ll finally be able to have some peace on Thursday nights, despite the networks’ plans to make me choose between Smallville, Joey and The O.C.

Just so it’s clear, I am not getting kickbacks from Dish Network or any other company to hawk DVRs. Although, if they would like to sign me on as a spokesperson, they can send those checks to Jennifer Biller at Tube Talk.

I am available for personal appearances, even on Wednesday nights now.


The O.C. Returns! - Don’t forget The O.C. returns this week. When last we saw the Orange County gang, Marissa had just shot Trey. OK, so it wasn’t’ exactly a “Who Shot J.R.” cliffhanger, but I’m hoping the pampered princess at least gets community service – or therapy. Will Seth reunite with Summer? Will Sandy pluck his eyebrows? Will Julie Cooper-Nichol return to her wanton ways? (I just love saying that name.) It all happens in – sing it with me – “Cal-I-for-nia” at 8 p.m. Thursday on FOX.

Originally published 9/7/05 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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The best and worst of TV in 2004

December 29, 2004

While you’ve been busy stuffing your Christmas goose and threatening Santa with lawsuits for bringing you fruitcake yet again, I’ve been reflecting on the past year in television. From embarrassing to outrageous, one thing is for sure: 2004 was no bore.

Best guilty pleasure: Pimp My Ride on MTV. If only this show had existed in 1989, my red Chevy Chevette with fog lights could have been sweet.

Best evidence that there is intelligent life form on Earth: Ken Jennings’ winning streak on Jeopardy.

Best proof aliens exist: Anna Nicole Smith at The American Music Awards. What was that?

Worst TV moment: Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl.

Best TV moment: The return of scripted programs scoring with viewers, instead of reality shows.

Best scary, make-your-hair-stand-up moment: The masked carver stalking Sean in the shower on Nip/Tuck.

Tackiest commercial: Spoofing the feed-the-children commercials to peddle pick-up trucks.

Most ridiculous cancellation: Angel. Enough said.

Funniest presidential campaign moment: The yawning boy at the George W. Bush rally. His boredom made him a star.

Most embarrassing moment: Ashlee Simpson busted for lip-synching on Saturday Night Live. And to finish off the Milli Vanilli moment, that jig she called a dance looked like she was stepping on hot coals.

Best show you’re not getting: Scrubs. Dr. Cox rules, people.

Best reason to love David Letterman and Jay Leno: The Tony Danza Show. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Tony because of his Who’s the Boss? years, but his newest gig is evidence that not every nice guy can pull off an entertaining talk show.

Best good-bye: Tom Brokaw signing off after 23 years as the evening news anchor on NBC.

Worst moment of violence: The NBA Pistons-Pacers brawl. With all the fighting currently in the world, grown adults acting like imbeciles is inexcusable.

Best excuse to stay home on Friday nights: Harmon Rabb, Jr. in uniform on JAG.

Best commercial attempt that doesn’t work: Ovaltine. No matter how many cute kids with mittens come running in from the snow begging for this “rich, creamy” hot-cocoa-like drink, I’m not buying it. No matter how you dress it up, it’s still Ovaltine.

Best reason to learn to set your VCR: Wednesday nights are packed full of good TV. It’s home to Lost, Smallville, Kevin Hill, Jack and Bobby and The West Wing.

Most overly dramatic show promos: ER. The network has overused the dramatic promo device so much that it’s no longer effective. Every week can’t possibly be the biggest ER ever.

Worst new show: Father of the Pride. I’m usually a sucker for animation, but The Simpsons this isn’t. It started strong, but took a nosedive.

Most welcome recurring guest star: Ed may have been canceled, but Thomas Cavanaugh didn’t get stuck in Stuckeyville. He’s played a big brother on Jack and Bobby and Scrubs.

Most unnecessary replay: The networks relentless airing of Howard Dean’s exuberant speech.

Best series finale: Friends. Despite all the buzz, it was a fitting end for a fan favorite.

Best series debut: Lost. Show me anyone who sat through the first heart-stopping 20 minutes and isn’t hooked.

Worst cancellation: LAX. I’m still scratching my head why this fun hour of TV didn’t score with viewers. It was Heather Locklear, folks.

Best fast talker: Seth Cohen of The O.C. If you don’t have closed captioning on your TV, you’re probably missing most of Seth’s hilarious rants.

Best frivolous hour of TV: Las Vegas. With all the guest stars, it’s starting to rival The Love Boat.

Worst wasted moment: Donna’s accident on The West Wing. If ever there was a moment for Josh to ‘fess up his feeling for his lovely assistant, you’d think almost getting killed in a car explosion would be it.

Most over-hyped event: Trista and Ryan’s wedding. It was everywhere. It also set the trend for the year: Pink was the new black.

Best philanthropic moment: Any episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

Best surprise: Oprah giving away cars to her studio audience.

Best tribute: Coverage of former President Ronald Reagan’s funeral.

Best reason to watch TV during the summer: The Olympics.

Happy New Year, Tubers!

Originally published 12/29/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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TV Thanksgiving blessings

November 24, 2004

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. No gifts to buy. No eggs to color. No trips to the emergency room, when fireworks go amiss. It’s just a day to give thanks for all that is right in the world.
Since this is Tube Talk, it’s only right that I take time to count my TV blessings:

Remote control. Perhaps the most underrated device in the world of television, the remote control revolutionized couch potatoes everywhere. Yes, we all take it for granted now. But I remember the days when changing channels meant standing in front of the TV flipping that shiny silver dial between the only two choices I had: CBS and NBC. I recently read an article that today’s college freshmen have never lived in a world where televisions didn’t come with remote controls. Let’s be thankful that technology progressed so that these kids never had to know that kind of horror.

• Closed captioning. I know I’m not the targeted audience for this helpful tool. But I use it all the same. Having the words appear on screen is sometimes the only way to decipher what those fast-talking kids on The O.C. are saying, not to mention The West Wing characters, who have practically made speed-talking an Olympic sport. Plus, you haven’t lived until you¹ve turned on the captions in Spanish and watched Friends Phoebe sing Smelly Cat.
• Great lines. “Sometimes, evil drives a minivan.” That’s just one example of why I love scripted television. That hilarious gem was from Desperate Housewives this week. But there have been so many others in the course of television history. “No soup for you.” “How you doin’?” And “Danger, Will Robinson” have taken on a life of their own in the American vernacular.
• Annual specials. There is no better harbinger of the changing seasons than the annual television special. Some people watch the weather to know just when the change happens. I watch TV. Early fall, it’s Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin. Thanksgiving, it’s the enormous balloons dwarfing New York City in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Winter, it’s Rudolph’s glowing nose, and New Year’s, it’s Dick Clark’s Rocking Eve. Who needs a calendar? Just turn on your TV.
• Reality show ratings are down. Can we please all give thanks for this? Previous ratings hits such as The Bachelor and The Apprentice have lost viewers this season, just as scripted shows are coming on strong. With Lost and Desperate Housewives scoring ratings knockouts, perhaps this is the beginning of the end of the reality craze. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?
• Setting fashion trends. Television characters often influence fashion and hairstyles. Without the 90210 Peach Pitt gang, I never would have known sideburns were all the rage in the early ‘90s. Or that parachute pants were a fashion do in the ‘80s. Or that straight men could pull off wearing white suits, T-shirts, and no socks without being ridiculed. (They looked cool on Miami Vice.) I’m grateful for these colorful fashion trends. And that I never got around to wearing my too short Ally McBeal miniskirt.

Happy Thanksgiving, Tubers. Go easy on the turkey.

Originally published 11/24/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Scheduling nightmares

September 1, 2004

Trouble is brewing at the Biller household. My better half is a Survivor addict. I prefer The O.C.

While this never presented a problem before, the geniuses in charge of TV scheduling decided to put these two ratings winners head to head this season. To further complicate matters, the new Friends spin-off Joey is on at the same time, as is the new WB show I wanted to check out, The Mountain.

So, even with two televisions, a satellite, and the poor man’s TiVo - the VCR- it’s not humanly possible to catch everything. Don’t worry. I’ll try. As your TV gal, I wouldn’t want to shortchange you. But you’ll have to forgive me if I miss a show here and there.

This isn’t the first time I’ve run into scheduling nightmares. For some reason, year after year networks program their best and most popular shows against one another. Why they think this is a good idea, I’ll never understand.

It seems if the ratings juggernaut of Survivor dominated the 8 p.m. Thursday timeslot, that other networks would schedule shows in a different time slot that has little else to offer. That way, instead of just a small slice of the ratings pie, they could get the whole thing. It seems logical. Yet, they don’t do it.

Perhaps the network honchos know something I don’t, which would explain why they’re rich and powerful, and I just write critiques of their products. Whatever their rationale, the end result stinks.

Viewers will have plenty of hard choices to make this season. Especially problematic are Tuesdays at 9 p.m. Promising new shows Clubhouse and Veronica Mars are up against Father of the Pride, Scrubs, According to Jim, and One Tree Hill.

Sundays will force viewers to choose, too. New shows Desperate Housewives and Jack & Bobby will be battling it out at 9 p.m. At 8 p.m., Charmed, American Dreams, Arrested Development, and Cold Case will force viewers to decide if they prefer witches, retro music, offbeat humor, or crime mysteries.

As for Thursdays at 8 p.m., it’s dueling remotes at the Biller household. I’ll keep you posted on who wins and who gets voted off the island.

MTV Video Music Awards: Nothing makes you feel old like watching the MTV Video Music Awards. What I saw of Sunday’s show proved one thing to me: I’m not as cool as I think I am. Sure, I enjoy Usher and OutKast as much as the next. How could I not love a song that urges me to “shake it like a Polaroid picture?” But as for the rest, it was painful. Back in the day of ’80s-hair bands, power ballads, and Madonna rolling around on stage in a white wedding dress, I scoffed at my parents’ disapproving eye. I remember saying they just didn’t understand my music. Apparently, I have officially crossed over into adulthood and joined them in their prudish musical tastes. I used to know all the words. Now, I can’t even tell what the hip hoppers are saying and don’t care to find out. One bright spot was the incredibly gifted Alicia Keys. She has a voice like velvet. It’s a massage for the ears.

Welcome Back: Ed is coming to Scrubs. Actor Thomas Cavanagh is reprising his role as J.D.’s older brother this season. As if I needed another reason to watch my favorite sitcom. Actress Julianna Margulies, formerly Carol of ER is also scheduled to appear as a malpractice lawyer, according to TV Guide Online. Now, if they could just get pediatrician Doug Ross on staff, i.e. George Clooney, my evil plan would be complete.

Hail to the Chiefs?: It’s a presidential election year, and we all know what that means. Martin Sheen is about to be ousted from The West Wing. The two contenders to replace him in the fictitious race to the oval office are Jimmy Smits, of NYPD Blue fame and TV icon Alan Alda, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Both enigmatic actors join the cast this season and could be just the fresh blood the show needs. I kind of hope Smits loses. Instead of president, I’d love to see him as a romantic interest for C.J. Then, finally, she’d get to date a man taller than she is.

Originally published 9/1/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Fall previews: Lost, Desperate Housewives, Clubhouse, LAX, Father of the Pride, The Mountain, Joey and Kevin Hill

August 18, 2004

There are a lot of reasons to love fall. Crisp autumn air. Colorful foliage. Finding out if Chloe is really dead on Smallville.

The debut of the fall TV season is just around the corner, and I’m more excited than Ross Geller in a roomful of dinosaur bones. Fall is the time of year when TV junkies return to their couches, renewed with optimism that this may be the year that brings the next Seinfeld or The West Wing.

It’s also the time of year when cliffhanger questions are resolved. And thank goodness. Frankly, I’ve been worried about my boy Danny on Las Vegas and whether he’ll make it home from his military tour. And then there’s poor Seth on The O.C., who set sail for Tahiti from Orange County with little more than a dingy and a bottle of water. And how is Joey doing without his Friends? Sure, not all storylines are resolved at the onset of the season. I’m certain JAG lawyers Mac and Harm won’t confess their undying love, even though they’ve teased viewers for years. But with fall comes hope eternal.

After seeing some promos of the network’s new drama and comedy shows, I can say that this year’s lineup isn’t all bad. Aside from the typical crop of reality shows, the fall TV season may have some potential.

From early buzz, my TV expertise, and what clips I’ve seen, here are my picks for some shows to check out this fall. Take it for what you will. They may all be gone by midseason.

Clubhouse - Someone in the world of TV executives must have got my bribe. Dean Cain is back in primetime. And he’s once again in uniform. This time, Cain has traded in his Lois and Clark Superman tights for a baseball uniform. Clubhouse is a drama about a 16-year-old boy who lands his dream job of being a batboy for a professional baseball team. The show also stars Christopher Lloyd of Back to the Future fame. If Dean and Lloyd aren’t enough reason to watch, this may sway you: Aaron Spelling and Mel Gibson - yes that Mel Gibson - are two of the executive producers. Clubhouse will preview Sunday, Sept. 26 at 8 p.m. on CBS. It premieres Tuesday, Sept. 28 at 9 p.m. on CBS.

Lost - Another reason to tune back into primetime this season, Matthew Fox returns to the small screen in this adventure drama. Fox has left behind his Party of Five for a party of plane-wrecked strangers stranded on an island. The plane crash scene alone is reason enough to check out this one. Science fiction lovers may want to tune in, too. I have a feeling those mysterious creatures in the woods aren’t just birds. J.J. Abrams, of Felicity and Alias fame, is the creator behind Lost. It premieres Wednesday, Sept. 22 at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Desperate Housewives - From the promos, this soapy drama looks like Sex and the City in the suburbs. Except, the story is told from a dead woman’s point of view. Unusual, yes. And for that reason, I’m willing to try it. The cast looks interesting, too. Teri Hatcher, from Lois and Clark, has finally found something to do instead of those Radio Shack commercials. Marcia Cross of Melrose Place and Eva Longoria of The Young and the Restless also star. Desperate Housewives premieres Sunday, Sept. 8 at 9 p.m. on ABC.

LAX - Monday night’s favorite vixen is back. Heather Locklear returns to Mondays in this drama set in an international airport. Also starring is Blair Underwood of L.A. Law. The show looks fast-paced from the promos, with romantic entanglements and drama in abundance. Some critics who’ve already viewed tapes of the series don’t love it, but if Locklear is involved how bad can it be? Plus, I predict adorable Australian Paul Leyden will be the breakout star, if he has a big enough role. Leyden is familiar to daytime viewers from for his role on As The World Turns. I met him a few years ago, and he already had a fan following. LAX premieres Monday, Sept. 13 at 10 p.m. on NBC.

Father of the Pride - I love shows that are unusual. And from the previews I’ve seen, boy this one is. From the creator of Shrek, this animated comedy follows a pride of lions who work as performers in the famous Las Vegas Siegfried and Roy show. John Goodman and Carl Reiner provide two of the celebrity voices. Although the show is animated, it’s not for children. Adults only. It premieres Tuesday, Aug. 31 at 9 p.m. on NBC.

Kevin Hill - Not since Ally McBeal, has Taye Diggs played an attorney. In this drama, Diggs is a legal eagle who inherits a baby girl. Diggs is so talented that whatever he’s in shouldn’t be missed. Kevin Hill premieres Wednesday, Sept. 29 at 9 p.m. on UPN.

Joey – Joey is moving on without his Friends. How can longtime Friends viewers not watch to see what happens when he makes the move to California? Joey premieres Thursday, Sept. 9 at 8 p.m. on NBC.

The Mountain – Set in a mountain resort, this drama involves a family struggling to run a failing business. The scenery looks gorgeous. And so does the cast. Oliver Hudson, of Dawson’s Creek and brother of Kate Hudson, stars. The Mountain premieres Wednesday, Sept. 22 at 9 p.m. on The WB.

Originally published 8/18/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Goodnight Dr. Frasier Crane plus Survivor, The O.C., and Friends

May 12, 2004

Another one bites the dust.

These are tough times tubers. Friends is barely cold, and here we are saying goodbye to yet another TV legend, Frasier.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 20 years since we first met Dr. Frasier Crane. It doesn’t seem that long ago since he was bellied up to the Cheers bar, waxing philosophical with Cliff, Norm, Sam, and Diane.

Frasier’s intellectual haughtiness perfectly contrasted the other characters. His move to Seattle with his wacky family gave us even more delicious hours of entertainment. I love that Frasier rarely went for the cheap, slapstick laugh.

This was a smart sitcom. Obscure references to classical music, opera and all things Freud were ubiquitous throughout the life of the show. The neurotic Crane brothers gave us many laughs. We wondered, along with their father, how these two metrosexuals who couldn’t fix a toilet, could possibly be the offspring of the blue-collar, masculine Martin.

The show poked fun at the Crane brothers’ finesses. Watching Martin roll his eyes, as they got positively giddy about a bottle of wine, was priceless. Frasier’s social life provided ongoing humor, as well. Watching him get flustered and fail miserably at dating made us keep rooting for him to find the perfect match.

As the show ends its 11-year run Thursday, it’s had none of the fanfare that surrounded the Friends finale. That is disappointing for long-time viewers, who know that this loss will leave another gaping hole in the world of sharp sitcoms.

So goodbye Frasier. You made arrogance entertaining. Seattle will miss you. And so will we.

Survivor: All-Stars - Well, I hate to brag. (Who am I kidding? I LOVE to brag.) You may recall a few weeks ago I predicted Am-buh would walk away with the cool million. So, I wasn’t surprised that the jury voted her the winner when she and Boston Rob got to the final two. What I didn’t see coming was Boston Rob’s marriage proposal. The cynic in me is screaming that this was Rob’s way of guaranteeing he ended up with at least some of the cash. A terrible thought, I know. I’m sure they’ll be very happy spending all that dough. The good news is, my beloved Rupert still has a chance to win. CBS is giving away another $1 million Thursday night to the survivor voted the viewers’ favorite. What are you waiting for? Go vote at http://www.cbs.com/!

The O.C. - Believe it or not, there wasn’t a single punch thrown in the season finale. I know, we’ve come to expect more from the unruly O.C. gang. The entire show was heavy on the drama and tears, as Ryan said goodbye to his high-society, fairytale family. Not to worry though. I’m sure Ryan’s return to Chino is only temporary. After all, the show centers on this rebel’s move to prestigious Orange County. It was Seth who broke my heart in this episode. But I couldn’t help but laugh at how fast his sailboat was moving. At that rate, I think he probably made it to Tahiti in a couple hours. If only we could have put Marissa on board instead, with a one way ticket out of town.

Friends - I’m sure you’re sick of reading about them, but before they go not-so-quietly into the TV-archive vault, I wanted to weigh in on the finale. How great was the hour of clips preceding the show? Some of my favorite moments were included in the montage: Ross in the leather pants, Monica’s horrid humidity hair, and Phoebe’s Smelly Cat tutorial. I admit I got a little weepy during Chandler and Joey’s goodbye and the closing scene with the keys lying lonely on the counter. All in all, it was a fitting finale.

Originally published 5/12/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Friends Finale: The one with the goodbye

May 5, 2004

How you doin’?

Me? Not so well. I’m in serious need of tissues, and a therapist, to help get me through Thursday’s final Friends episode.

My Friends are leaving. TV, as we know it, is over.

For the last 10 years, I’ve met my Friends for coffee every Thursday. I’ve copied their haircuts, their clothing, and their pick-up lines. (Oh, like you haven’t?)

Watching the Generation-X gang always made me feel better. They seemed as confused as the rest of us in our twenties. But just as we had to grow up, so did they. I guess it was inevitable. How long could they really stay on the Central Perk couch idling away the day?

Through the years, the friends have been in some sticky situations. (Remember Ross in the leather pants with the bottle of baby powder?) Enough said.

Their shenanigans have proved memorable. And for us TV-obsessed-types, given us plenty of material for water-cooler conversations. I’m a vat of useless Friends trivia. I can sing the lyrics to Smelly Cat. I know words like crapweasel, unagi, and Mockolate. I know what to do for a jellyfish sting, that Phoebe’s favorite fake name is Regina Philange, and that Chandler Bing’s TV Guide subscription comes in the name Miss Chanandler Bong.

Could I be any sadder?

Don’t answer that.

As the theme song says, they’ve been there for me. So, how do you say goodbye to your friends of 10 years? With a touching tribute, of course.

Joey - Some have called him dimwitted. I prefer to think of him as simple. Underneath all the pretty, is a heart of gold. How can you not love a guy who named the inanimate objects in his apartment, i.e. Stevie the TV and Rosita the recliner. His charm with the ladies is endearing, as his appetite. He loves sandwiches, pizza, and Baywatch, and he hates big words. Joey gave us some of the shows’ best lines such as, “You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at?”

Ross - The geek in me loves Ross. (Who out there isn’t fascinated by dinosaurs?) Plus, he gave us Marcel the monkey, the Holiday Armadillo, and the phrase that won‘t die, “We were on a break!” Repeatedly unlucky in love, Ross never gives up. He was last seen kissing girl-of-his-dreams Rachel, who will probably turn out to be his lobster.

Chandler - Best known for his quick wit and dry sarcasm, he makes us all wish we could fire off a joke that rapidly. He loves baths, foosball, and wife Monica. His smoking addiction and unclear job description gave us some of the funniest moments of the show. Oh, and there was that pesky ex-girlfriend Janice, who is never far away.

Monica - She’s an obsessive neat freak who has 11 categories for her towels. She’s fiercely competitive, neurotic, a brilliant chef, and the nurturer of the group. She gave us one of the most memorable scenes ever when she and brother Ross performed “the routine,” a dance they’d concocted in the 1980s. Her pet peeves are sloppiness, losing and humidity. (Her hair reacts badly.)

Phoebe - The massage-therapist musician with a tragic childhood, Phoebe gave us songs. She even found inspiration from a bottle of Tegrin shampoo that moved her to draft this hilarious rhyming ditty: “I'm in the shower, and I'm writing a song/ Stop me if you've heard it/ My skin is soapy and my hair is wet/ And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget." The running gag with her twin sister Ursula gave us more than a few laughs.

Rachel - She’s the spoiled rich girl who matured into a workingwoman. She’s a long way from the days of her first job when she uttered, “Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?” Rachel became the Friends fashion plate whose hair, clothes and boyfriends we all wanted. Her guilty pleasures are Days of Our Lives, cheesecake, and dating company employees.

Will old acquaintances be forgot? Nah. I’ll see them again in syndication.

But one thing’s for sure. Thursday night coffee will never be the same.

Originally published 5/5/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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TV's all-time best characters

March 10, 2004

What do Spike, Deputy Barney Fife, and J.R. Ewing have in common?

They’re some of my all-time favorite TV characters that I’d most like to have to dinner. Of course, I’d have to make room for a few other favorites. And that list is pretty big. But just imagine this dinner conversation: Alex P. Keaton talking about whom he’s endorsing for president. Murphy Brown explaining the role the media played in Martha Stewart’s conviction. Jed Clampett telling us the best way to clean the cement pond. And Jerry Seinfeld going on about ... well, nothing.

TV’s most memorable characters can usually be identified by just one name. Who doesn’t recognize Lucy, Dawson, Roseanne, or Felicity?

But compiling a list of the all-time best characters, is a tough job, even for a TV expert such as myself. Where do you draw the line?Are cartoon characters a separate category, or can Bugs Bunny be included in the list? Should I choose characters by topic, such as best detectives, funniest females, who looks best in leather pants? Or should I group them decade-by-decade?

You see my dilemma.

For my favorite TV doctors, Doug Ross, Cliff Huxtable, and Michaela Quinn would certainly make the cut. And for favorite detectives, no list would be complete without Andy Sipowicz, Thomas Magnum, and Adrian Monk.

But what about actors who’ve pulled double duty and created more than one memorable character? Do you chose Opie Taylor or Richie Cunningham? Zack Morris or John Clark Jr.? Michael Knight or Mitch Buchannon?

And what about favorite aliens? Is it really fair to include Clark Kent in the same category as ALF?

Some characters have endeared themselves to me with a simple phrase. For Archie Bunker, it was the invention of “meathead.” For Vinnie Barbarino, it was that cocky slur “Mis-tuh Kot-ter.” For other characters, I love them for their abilities. Who could resist a man like MacGyver, who can scale a mountain with only a shoestring? Or Buffy Summers, who can stake a vampire after landing a back handspring?

Narrowing my list of favorites to the top 10 is even more difficult, like trying to pick your favorite kind of chocolate. So I’ve decided, the more the merrier.

Sure, my dinner party may be crowded. But it won’t be dull. And planning the seating chart is the most fun I’ve had in a long time.I think it’s safe to put Hawkeye Pierce next to Wonder Woman. But, seating Marcia Brady next to Joey Tribbiani could be troublesome.

I’m not sure Frasier Crane would have much in common with Crockett and Tubbs. But watching Bret Maverick share some card tips with La Femme Nikita would be a hoot. And who could resist eavesdropping on bionic woman Jaime Sommers discussing home improvement projects with Tim Taylor, or listening to Cosmo Kramer and Ed Stevens discuss the merits of a good bowling shirt?

And there’s one match I’m certain would be a hit: Wile E. Coyote and Lex Luthor. With Lex’s advice, maybe that pesky Road Runner would finally get his comeuppance.

Originally published 3/10/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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TV on DVD

March 3, 2004

TV junkies everywhere, let’s give thanks. Somehow, somewhere, someone has made it possible that we never again miss an episode of our favorite shows. TV has come to DVD.

Chances are, whatever small-screen guilty pleasure made you learn to program your VCR is now available on DVD. From Gilligan’s Island to Good Times, you can find it. Friends, Cheers, M*A*S*H*, Married... with Children – yep, they’re all there. Complete seasons of current hit shows such as Frasier, ER, Alias, 24, C.S.I., and The West Wing are available, too. Even those beloved classics that you thought you’d only catch in late-night, bleary-eyed syndication are up for grabs. The Jeffersons, All in the Family, and Sanford and Son have complete seasons for sale.

You can buy the DVD sets new at local retail stores or on the Internet at www.amazon.com. But be warned: it’s an expensive habit. Prices vary from $25 for Kung Fu season one, to a whopping $85 for The Sopranos complete first season. For the bargain hunter, Internet auction sites such as eBay, Half, and Amazon offer used DVDs for a fraction of the cost of new ones.

The down side: it can be addictive. Before you know it, you’ll be monitoring eBay at 3 a.m. to win The X-Files from some guy in New Zealand . If you’re lucky, you may be able to rent a complete season of your favorite show at a local video store. Some offer DVD rentals for popular hits such as Sex and the City.

The most brilliant part of TV on DVD is the bonus material. Cast interviews, commentaries, bloopers, and behind-the-scenes footage often accompany the episodes. Often times, these cast get-togethers are the highlight of the disc. Truthfully, if offered, who out there could resist an interview with the Duke boys and Cooter telling us what they really thought of cousin Daisy’s shorts?

Then, there are the little DVD treasures known as Easter eggs. No, they’re not chocolate, but almost as good. Easter eggs are hidden segments, not found on the disc main menu, with a surprise inside. For example, on the season two Felicity DVD, the Easter egg is a Scott Speedman audition.

These hidden gems don’t actually look like Easter eggs. They can take the form of a flower, a letter, anything pictured on the menu. Not all DVDs have this added feature.The trick to the Easter egg is finding it. Through a series of remote control commands, the egg can be opened and viewed. I’m not sure who takes the time to hunt the eggs, but I’m grateful. Frankly, I don’t think I would have found them, if not for the help of Internet message boards.

The Web site www.tvshowsondvd.com offers information on all TV shows being released on DVD. Release dates, reviews, and feature information are usually provided for each show. You can also vote there to put your favorite show on DVD.

Whoever proposed putting TV series on DVD should be commended, especially since networks and studios are rarely re-airing episodes anymore. Instead, they’re inserting new reality shows during the typical summer rerun season. I’m not sure if this is just a general change in how they do business, or if the lack of viewings is deliberate to boost DVD sales. If the latter is true, then that reasoning is silly. Devoted fans of a show will buy the DVD, even if they’ve seen the episodes more than once. Trust me.

Don't believe me? Check my closet. Dawson’s Creek, M*A*S*H*, and Felicity are all neighbors in my collection. I’m saving up for Wiseguy and the soon-to-be released beloved Freaks and Geeks. (No show was ever treated shabbier in the history of TV, but fans clamored to get the 18 precious episodes released on DVD, and the show creators listened.)

In May, Northern Exposure, Party of Five, and The Waltons are just some of many TV series coming to DVD. So rejoice TV viewers. Ross, Rachel, Sam, and Diane are preserved forever, and just a click away. You can relive it all again. Or finally watch the end of an episode you didn’t see in its entirety the first time.

For me, I’m anxious to resolve a question that’s plagued me for years when I missed the end of a Simpsons episode in the early 90s: did Homer really take a walk on the wild side with country singer Lurlene Lumpkin?

I guess I’ll find out on DVD.

Originally published 3-3-04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Reality Bites

February 11, 2004

This is war.

I’m tired of playing nice.

It’s time for action, fellow television viewers.

I’m calling for a TV revolution - an end to the constant barrage of reality shows eating up our precious time slots.

No more will I be content with programming that assumes the average TV viewer isn’t as smart as the people making television. No more will I quietly accept what television networks are offering.

My goal is to make some noise. A public outcry so loud that it rivals that of Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction.

My plan of action? Simple. Turn the channel. That’s right. Don’t watch.

But don’t stop there. Write the networks and challenge executives to once again provide some quality programming. Why should we watch shows they aren’t willing to watch themselves? (Do you really think the network suits set their VCRs for Fear Factor?)

If I sound like a fanatic, you’re right. (I’ve been called worse.) But I won’t be quiet. Not until the trash heap currently littering the airwaves is expunged ... or until I get fired for my overzealous opinions.

If you’re wondering what’s pushed me over the edge, blame it on FOX and its latest offering to the reality genre. My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé is a big, fat, awful idea for TV viewers. It’s just one more ridiculous show to clutter the airwaves. Couple that show’s success with the fact that NBC just bumped its best comedy, Scrubs, from its highly coveted Thursday-night timeslot to make room for Donald Trump’s foray into reality programming, and I’m borderline certifiable.

It has to end. NOW!

I miss Tim the Tool Man, Jerry Seinfeld and Ally McBeal. I miss Felicity Porter and her tape recorder, Murphy Brown and her revolving secretaries, Thomas Magnum and his goofy eyebrow arch.

I miss scripted television.

Witty sitcoms and thought-provoking dramas are already an endangered species. And with fan favorites such as Frasier and Friends saying goodbye this year, the forecast is grim. Just visit any network Web site, and you’ll see casting calls for the next reality drama to replace these ratings winners.

It’s understandable why networks keep churning out these so-called reality shows; it’s cheap. They don’t have to pay writers or actors. Anyone willing to put themselves up for some humiliation and five minutes of fame can suddenly become a star.

What I don’t understand is why we’re still watching. I thought audiences would turn the channel in collective disgust at shows that reward contestants for eating vile concoctions of animal guts and live insects. I thought audiences would protest shows that mock marriage by having individuals choose partners through game show tactics. I thought audiences would snub shows that believe entertainment is achieved through the humiliation of others. But that hasn’t happened.

Reality programs tend to be popular. Astoundingly, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé just made the list of TiVo’s top 10 recorded programs.

So, if this is what they’re offering, I’m going elsewhere. I’m watching the WB, FX, We, TV Land - any network I can find that doesn’t tout reality shows.

I’m hoping change will come soon. That they’ll realize their mistake. I’m hoping this Remote Revolution and public insurgence will be the beginning of a programming transformation.

Meanwhile, I’ll be in my world, looking for well-written programs and surfing cable for syndicated shows. A place where Jack Tripper never dies, Joanie will always love Chachi, and Mayberry’s resident drunk, Otis Campbell, is as real as it gets.

Originally published 2/11/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Qualified to Tube Talk

February 4, 2004

I’ve finally landed my dream job: to watch television and talk about it.

I’m not worried about the pressure of writing a weekly TV column. Nope. Not me. No pressure here. In fact, I can’t think of a career for which I’m better suited. Rest assured readers. I’ve done my homework. You can learn a lot from watching television, if you pay attention.

For example, when rushed to the emergency room it’s important to ask for a CBC and Chem-7. (That’s what they do on ER) I’ve learned the three ways to kill a vampire are decapitation, direct sunlight and the classic wooden stake to the heart. (Thank you Buffy.) I can tell you who shot J.R., the meaning of yada, yada, yada and Beverly Hills’ most famous zip code. (It’s 90210 if you care.)

I admit my TV tastes run the gamut, and I’m willing to try new shows. Sometimes it works. Sometimes… not so much. Shamefully, I’ve been addicted to some I should never confess to watching. For every Friends, I’ve had a Scarecrow and Mrs. King. For every NYPD Blue, I’ve had a Good Morning, Miami.

Disgraceful, yes. But, I blame my parents for my television fixation. It all started when they refused my request to vacation at the Grand Canyon to ride pack mules like TheBrady Bunch. From then on, I traveled the modern world on The Love Boat, visited the Old West with Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and solved murder mysteries with Magnum, P.I., all through the magic box in our living room.

Call me a geek, a pop-culture junkie. It’s true. I can’t deny it. But when you need to know who played the role of Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years, I’m your gal. You see, I’ve aggressively studied the world of television to prepare for this gig as an intrepid TV columnist. Sure, you can say I’m a little obsessed. But it’s not all bad. My obsession has led me to some pretty interesting places.

I’ve visited the Southfork Ranch in Dallas. (I even stuck my toe in the pool that Bobby Ewing used for his morning laps.) I’ve toured the set of Dawson’s Creek, in North Carolina, and in the name of curious fans everywhere, peeked into Dawson’s refrigerator. I’ve stood at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C. and marveled at Archie Bunker’s chair and Fonzie’s leather jacket.

So, I hope you’ll join me each week for a little tube talk, where I’ll discuss what’s on television. (And what shouldn’t be on television.) Maybe I’ll even get you to tune in for something you’re not currently watching, or reveal some interesting tidbits you haven’t discovered yet about your favorite show.

I’m here to help you navigate the rocky road of television. I’m not afraid. I’ll muddle through and find something worth talking about. If not, I’ll just turn the channel.

Originally published 2/4/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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