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 Never in all of my TV-viewing life would I have predicted that Friday night would be the best night for TV viewing. But it’s true. Friday is the new Thursday.
With shows such as Friday Night Lights, Las Vegas, Moonlight, Psych, and Monk, there is a show for pretty much every TV taste. Here’s my take on some of the shows I checked out the past week.
Friday Night Lights
Tim loves Lyla! I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t. His crank call to her radio show was the equivalent of pulling the little girl’s ponytail in grade school to get her attention. But what about Jason? It seems his role gets smaller and smaller by the week. Tim isn’t the only feeling lonely. Poor Matt saw his ladylove and hired nurse head out of the country. Who is going to take care of Grandma now? I worry about these things. Not to mention, I keep waiting for that scary drug dealer to realize that Tim stole his cash. That is not going to end well for Tim. (I was completely shocked to see Tim resort to stealing, since he wrote his father off in a previous episode for stealing, an act he did not condone.) The story that really warmed my heart was Santiago trying to break away from his old life. When he took on those thugs to get Buddy’s watch back that they’d stolen, my heart grew three sizes. This is the best show on television right now, hands down. It never disappoints. It has so many intense story arcs, yet they all hold my interest. From Tami and Eric trying to leave their new daughter at daycare, to Smash facing racism about his interracial romance, not a minute ticks by when I feel like fast-forwarding. In fact, the show leaves me satisfied and surprised every week that so many story arcs are played out so well. I have only one question: Where is Tyra? The girl has been missing for the past two weeks?
Boston Legal
Denny Crane was back in the courtroom, despite his Mad Cow disease. (Or senility, as it’s known in the non-Denny Crane world.) I was holding my breath for most of the episode, waiting for Denny to throw out one of his nonsensical one-liners or anger the judge with his sexist comments to the point he’d be jailed for contempt. But Denny kept it together, trying to prove he could still be effective, and surprisingly, got his client off. I enjoyed Denny in the courtroom. It was nice to see him doing something besides sexually harassing his employees or bonding with Alan. It was also a nice change to see someone other than uber-liberal Alan Shore arguing a closing. I even got a little weepy, after the trial, when Denny excused himself for a quiet moment and broke down. Most often, Boston Legal is a comedy. But when it hits dramatic moments like that one, it’s understandable why the show was nominated for an Emmy.
Las Vegas
I think Polly may be my new favorite character. In fact, she may be the funniest supporting actress on television. Her stint in traffic school with Sam and Mitch was the highlight of this week’s episode. How Polly gets her hysterical one-liners past the network police is beyond me. Plus, she’s taught me more about bikini waxing and “backdoor bleaching” than I ever wanted to know. The Piper/Cooper story was fantastic, too. Mike had me convinced that Piper was Cooper’s daughter. She does share the same irresistible dimples as Tom Selleck. I think a Mike and Piper hook up is inevitable, and I can’t wait. The Danny/Delinda pregnancy story is getting tiresome. I shudder to think what will happen when she actually gives birth.
One Tree Hill
Dan was in the house! Well, technically, he was in the big house rocking some serious facial hair. But still, after last week’s episode that was completely devoid all the Tree Hill adults I’d come to love, I was happy to see Dan again. Now, if Deb and Karen would just check in. Peyton’s new music label may be in trouble. K-Fed, really? P Sawyer is losing her touch already. And how about the shocker that Daphne Zuniga’s character is actually Brooke’s mother? I so didn’t see that coming. Oh, and a here’s some advice for “Lucas’ Lindsey”: I wouldn’t get too comfortable in Tree Hill. With Peyton and Brooke back in town, it won’t be long before Lucas is revisiting his old territory soon. Kudos to Nate for shaving his Jesus beard. Now, if he would just cut that hair, I’d be a happy woman. It’s never a good think when your wife’s hair is shorter than yours.
Scott Baio is 46… and Pregnant
If Scott Baio wanted to convince the world he is a giant tool, mission accomplished. Each episode, Baio comes off as more arrogant and selfish than the one before. His pregnant fiancée is dealing with hormones, her changing body, and the stress of carrying a baby, while Baio exiles himself to a different wing of the house to whine about losing himself, while flipping through his vintage Playboys to look at his ex-girlfriends. I’m done with this show. Grow up Chachi! Someone needs to call the Fonz to shake some sense into this immature brat.
Moonlight
OK, what’s up with all the grisly? Yes, I know this is a show about vampires, but decapitating people and holding their heads up for viewing, twice no less, was a little much. The show was too gruesome for me this week. I was happy to see Coraline back, but sadly, it looks like she’s gone again. Beth was still mourning Josh, and Mick was enjoying being human for the first time in decades. Of course, it was only temporary. I just have one request for the Moonlight folks: We need more Josef in this show!
 Desperate Housewives
That twister that hit Wisteria Lane left a street full of devastation. In the voiceover intro, we were told one of the ladies would lose a husband and that they would all lose a friend. Gaby’s spouse, Victor, was impaled with a white picket fence. How’s that for symbolism? (One husband down.) But the friend? My money is on poor Ida. I’m guessing she woke up and went looking for her cat, right into the path of the tornado. I blame Lynette. We’ve seen a lot of selfish behavior through the years on this show, but Lynette consistently exhibits self-absorbed behavior. Pushing her way into her neighbor’s basement during the storm and then insisting Ida’s cat be removed is so typical Lynette. Kudos to Mrs. Landingham, oops, Mrs. McClusky for calling Lynette out on her selfish behavior that she only acts like a friend when she needs something. Why didn’t Lynette and Tom go to another neighbor’s house or a shelter? Maybe this storm will teach Lynette how to be a friend. On second thought, she’s got Gaby, Susan and Bree as her companions, so there’s probably no hope for Lynette.
Las Vegas
Sam is back at the Montecito. Can I get a woo-hoo? Her bowling meeting with Cooper was a fun tête-à-tête during a game of bowling. I finally figured out what’s bugging me about Tom Selleck’s stiff-jawed portrayal of Cooper. He’s missing the Thomas Magnum sense of humor. Selleck excels in levity. To see it restrained in this role is a real downer. Did you catch his hilarious stint on Friends? Yes, Cooper is daunting, scary and mysterious. But I miss his fun side. Ed Deline managed a perfect balance of both. Let’s hope Selleck finds his smile soon. It’s too pretty not to be seen.
Meanwhile, Danny and Mike caught the robbers. But poor Danny, every member of his family has now ended up six-feet under. DeLinda, you should think twice before marrying into the McCoy clan.
How I Met Your Mother
Barney lost his mojo. Say what? Even suited up in a room full of supermodels, Barney had nothing. Sure, it stemmed from realizing that his brother, the always-entertaining Wayne Brady, had paid Barney’s first lover to lie about his performance. Realizing he wasn’t awesome threw Barney in to such a spin that he began doubting his sexual prowess, thus throwing off everything in the How I Met Your Mother universe. In a funny B storyline, the rest of the gang joined the gym. It lasted less than a week. As much as I enjoy the Mother folks, I’ve lost all patience with the reveal about who the mother actually is. Just tell us already!
Brothers and Sisters
Congratulations Robert and Kitty! They tied the knot. It’s always a good time at a Walker shindig and the wedding didn’t disappoint, due to Robert’s run at the presidency. I couldn’t help but chuckle as members of the Walker clan were detained by secret service for various charges: Kevin’s off-the-cuff comment about wanting to kill his new brother in law, Nora’s date for smoking pot and Justin and Tommy for fighting. Good times. Good for Rebecca for telling Justin that his new girlfriend was sleeping with this brother. As for the new guy in town who showed up at Holly’s door at the end, I’m betting he’s Rebecca’s real father. There is no way she and Justin are brother and sister. I just can’t buy it. Those two have too much chemistry.
Pushing Daisies
A taffy candy competitor moved into the Pie Hole neighborhood and the rivalry got a bit sticky this week. One dead body in the taffy vat later, and the pie maker and his pals had to solve a crime. This show is so much fun. Thank you ABC and Lee Pace for making me smile each week. And I’ve said it before, Ned and Olive, are pure confection. I do have one note, though, Lee Pace, you know I love you, but get a pair of tweezers. Those eyebrows are starting to rival Peter Gallagher’s.
The Office
Psych! Yes, I’d love to be able to gush about Michael’s latest idiotic scheme or the euphoria that is Pam and Jim, but the writer’s strike has caused The Office to go dark with any new episodes. I hurt, Tubers!
Friday Night Lights
Landry confessed. Matt lost his virginity. Tim apologized his way back on to the team. And Eric was jealous of his wife’s new “yuck-it-up” friend. Things happen quickly in Dillon. I’m so glad this show has new episodes left because ending the show with Landry’s confession to the cops is a cliffhanger of monumental proportions. Will he go to jail? Will Tyra come to his rescue? I can’t wait for the next episode.
OK, it’s your turn to share your thoughts on your favorite moments and shows from the past week. I’ll be waiting for your comments.
 Friday Night Lights
Tyra, your body is a wonderland. (And no that isn’t a dig at her cast mate Minka Kelly, who is dating John Mayer.) Tyra is hot. It’s no wonder poor Landry is in love with her. I don’t know how Tim Riggins has managed to resist her lately. Speaking of resisting, QB1, also known as Matt Saracen, has so many hot ladies throwing themselves at him; it’s sending his stuttering into overdrive. Julie realized that she shouldn’t have ended things with Matt and seems to be getting a little too cozy with her teacher lately. I don’t like where this is headed. Watch your back, teach, because if Eric finds you hitting on his daughter, you may find yourself being used as a tackling dummy during the next football practice. And how about the entertainment for the Pantherama rally? Having the football team strip was definitely thinking outside of the box. In my high school, everyone would have been expelled for that sexy stunt. But, this is Dillon, where football rules and apparently teachers and parents don’t mind the kids half naked and gyrating on the gym floor.
Dirty Sexy Money
I’m really enjoying the dysfunctional Darling family, especially serial bride Karen. The poor gal can’t seem to get over her first love Nick George and is set on winning him back. Mrs. George, you have been warned. The most surprising twist of this show for me is that I actually like former hard-ass Rev. Brian. The storyline with his son has softened him. OK, sure he made the kid pretend he was an orphan who didn’t speak English, so that Brian’s wife wouldn’t find out that he had an illegitimate son, but in the end, he came clean. He's even missing the little tyke. And so am I.
Private Practice
It’s been weeks since I invested in Private Practice. And much like the stock market, my sentiments about this show go up and down. This week, I hit an all-time low. Addison’s new dating companion had a strange fetish: he liked to insert objects in his rectum. Let’s just say I hope she never gets that shoe back. I don’t care if it is a Jimmy Choo. I’m trying to love Private Practice; I really am. But Addison is so… what’s the word? Silly. Yes, I never thought I’d describe my Addison as silly, but that’s what she’s become. And the rest of her co-workers are just as bad. The bright spot is that she and Pete have chemistry. Perhaps she’ll stop acting like a teen soon. The one character I am interested in, Dell, never seems to have much to do but fetch coffee. How about giving him a storyline? I think I may have to handle Private Practice the same way I handle broccoli. I partake from time to time, even though I don’t like it.
Ugly Betty
Just like the sun, Ugly Betty is the one show I can count on to be reliable. (Friday Night Lights is the other.) Betty never disappoints. It’s silly fun, and unlike Private Practice, the silly works. The show somehow balances comedy and drama perfectly. Eric Mabius has made me weepy several times. When Daniel Meade gets serious, look out. This week when he mourned his father, I was reaching for the Kleenex. His idea to black out the cover of Mode in honor of this father’s death was brilliant. In contrast, Amanda’s quest to find her father makes me laugh hard, every time she goes to the wall of photos of all her mother’s lovers. This week I caught Tom Selleck’s mug, Warren Beatty, Mick Jagger and Burt Reynolds. That Faye Summers sure got around, didn’t she?
Heroes
Not even the addition of my own personal TV hero, Kristen Bell, to the Heroes cast has rekindled my love for this show. I’m sad, Tubers, as I used to love it. I’ve tried hanging on, but the show simply doesn’t interest me anymore. There are too many characters, story arcs, and too little time with the characters I do care about. It pains me more than you know to remove a show starring Kristen Bell from my DVR lineup, but when it feels like an obligation to watch it each week, then it’s time to go.
Las Vegas
There was no new episode this week, which was a good thing since we never talked about the last episode. Cooper fired Sam! I don’t think I’m alone here when I say, “What?!?!!” OK, so she shouldn’t have dumped that milkshake over the cowboy’s head, but in her defense, the guy was a tool. But this is Sam. She’s my favorite character on the show. I usually have to rewind her rapid-fire witty dialogue a couple times, so I can enjoy and appreciate her sarcastic barbs. There is no Las Vegas without her. The new boss man had better come to his senses soon because I want her back at the Montecito hanging with Mr. Cooper.
 Brothers and Sisters
I’m about to make a bold statement. Brothers and Sisters is the best drama on television right now. Last night’s intervention episode showed just how compelling television can be when all the pieces fall in place. And by all the pieces I mean tight, top-notch writing and superb acting. Dave Annable and Sally Field made me cry. And that’s hard to do during the weekend! The beauty of Brothers and Sisters is the creative balance of humor and drama. Even in the midst of a heart-wrenching drug intervention, the Walkers can still make me smile with a one-liner or a sarcastic barb. If you’re not watching this show, do yourself a favor and tune in. If nothing else, it will make your family holiday dinners seem much less dysfunctional.
Grey’s Anatomy
Can we please stop with all the George and Izzie booty calls? I think I speak for most of us when I say, “Ewwww!” And what was the deal with the fantasy and the tub? On second thought, I don’t want to know. My jaw hit the floor when Izzie called George the best sex she’d ever had. Huh? Did she forget about all those smoking hot encounters with Alex? I’m begging here, Grey’s honchos, please stop this madness. As for Meredith, I didn’t think it was possible to dislike her character more than I already did, but well done, writers; mission accomplished. Meredith’s constant verbal abuse of Lexie is working my last nerve. I was cheering when Lexie finally broke and screamed, “Screw you!” You go, Lexie. And can we all do a happy dance for Bailey, that she finally got the job she deserved all along. Although, that strange crying outburst with the chief, after he told her, seemed a little out of character for tough-as-nails Bailey. Finally, Mr. Man Tart, Mark Sloan, is adorable. But, I think his attempts to flirt with Hahn are futile. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t play for his team.
Back to You
I love it when TV shows pay tribute to other TV shows, and Back to You tipped its hat to Buffy the Vampire Slayer this week. Former Buffy star Charisma Carpenter guest starred on this week’s episode of Back to You, and her son was named - wait for it - Zander. Hysterical!
The Office
Jim Halpert, my heart aches for you. (Not the way you’re thinking, Tubers!) On Thursday, it appeared that Jim was facing the sad realization that he could easily become Michael, if he stayed at Scranton for the foreseeable future. The camera caught his look of utter devastation, and it was heartbreaking. Don’t worry, Jim. There is no way you could ever become as silly as Michael. His over-the-top antics are getting more and more ridiculous. A nature retreat man vs. wild? Come on.
Men in Trees
What is it about women on ABC shows waxing their own eyebrows before their weddings? It never ends well. It was a disaster for Grey’s Anatomy Cristina and the same thing happened to poor Annie on Men in Trees. Ladies, it’s like $15-$20 to have a professional cosmetologist wax your eyebrows. I’m just saying. This episode was laugh-out-loud funny, as wedding preparations got underway. And in true Elmo fashion, chaos ensued. The minister quit, the reception hall closed down, the mothers were feuding, the cat lost the rings, and the location was a bust. If that weren’t enough, scary wild wolves descended on the town and cornered poor Marin in a to-die-for cliffhanger. I don’t know about anyone else, but that scene gave me a flashback to my youth when I watched a similar episode of Little House on the Prairie featuring an angry wild pack of wolves that scarred me for life.
Bones
I know I’m in the minority here, but I love Booth and Cam. Their pretense of a relationship to fool her family had me in stitches. Bones didn’t seem quite so happy about it, though, did she? Oh well, maybe she and Booth can talk about it at couples therapy. Also, I can’t wait to see Angela’s husband. I haven’t seen so much build up for an off-screen character since the days of Cheers’ Norm and his often-mentioned wife. And did you guys recognize Sam Jones, formerly Pete on Smallville, as the gay scientist? Little Pete is all grown up now.
Ugly Betty
Matron of honor Posh Spice was campy, and in perfect Ugly Betty fashion, so was the wedding of Willie and Bradford. Amanda entertained the packed church of uptight society folks with her version of “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” Yes, it was as funny as it sounds. Marc’s shaggy boyfriend finally embraced his inner metrosexual and got a shave, a haircut and wardrobe to die for. But, that wasn’t the biggest shock of the night. That honor went to Bradford, collapsing with a heart attack during the ceremony, after Daniel told him that his Wilhemena was cheating. In an episode so packed with humor, drama and camp, it seemed there was room for little else but wedding details, but wrong. Daniel found out Betty had known about Willie’s boy toy all along, and fired Betty for not telling. Yes, it got ugly. With so many surprises in this episode, I can’t imagine what’s left for next week. But knowing the Ugly Betty folks, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.
Smallville
OK, I’m just going to say it. The opening scenes of newly super-empowered Lana and Clark having such “super” sex that it literally shattered the Earth and caused seismic tremors all over Smallville was groan-worthy. On the plus side, Clark finally got some, which apparently has been a problem in the past due to his super strength and Lana’s mere mortal abilities. Yeah, I didn’t want to think about it either, so thanks Smallville writers for going there. I always enjoy badass Lana, when she morphs into Lana Fu and kicks butt. But I really enjoy the Lana and Lex interaction. Those two are hot. Their kiss had more chemistry going on than one of Lex’s secret laboratories. What a shame Smallville has wasted all these years with Lana and Clark, when she and Lex are downright combustible. I find Lana bearable when she’s sparring with Lex or about to electrocute him. As for Chloe, it’s clear that Jimmy is moving on with Kara. I say good riddance. Chloe needs to find a man worthy of her, someone who isn’t a geek or a meteor freak. Oliver is headed back to town and now that Lois is macking on her new boss, I think Chloe could use a little comforting from the Emerald Archer. And one more thing, Smallville hair people, please stop cutting Chloe’s hair!
Nip/Tuck
Christian Troy, you’ve been a bad, bad boy. Jealousy doesn’t suit Christian. His hilarious attempt to garner some attention was one of the funniest scenes on the tube this week, as he posed nude for a girly magazine and his body suffered a little, how should I put this? stage fright? Thank goodness his publicist was off camera and willing to do her part to “inflate” his… ego. In a surprising twist, Julia came to visit and dropped the news that she is now a lesbian. At least the boys can finally stop fighting over her, since she no longer plays for their team. But poor Sean, this is going to eat away at his confidence as a man. First, Julia cheated on him with a midget and now she’s sleeping with a woman. Ouch.
 Best line of the week
Barney from How I Met Your Mother wins this week for this gem:
(Robin explained that she hadn’t shaved her legs in days so she wouldn’t go too far on the first date.)
Barney: “FYI baby, guys just want to get on the green. They don’t mind going through the rough.”
Journeyman
Why does the Journeyman only have one sweater? It’s a nice one, sure, very GQ-esque, but still. He needs to change it up a bit.
Pushing Daisies
The facts were these. Kristin Chenowith stole my heart in Pushing Daisies when she portrayed her heartbreak via song. She channeled Olivia Newton John in her rendition of Hopelessly Devoted to You, complete with Digby the dog’s masterful accompaniment. I know we’re supposed to root for Ned and Chuck, but Olive deserves some love, too. This could be primetime’s best love triangle since Sawyer, Kate and Jack. Not often does a television show with a perfect pilot live up to it in the next episode, but Pushing Daisies did. I hope we get to see more of Olive singing, more of Emerson knitting, and more of Ned being, well, Ned.
Las Vegas
I can’t believe it, but it seems we’re getting deeper character development on Las Vegas. Sam didn’t miraculously recover from her kidnapping ordeal in one episode. In fact, she’s been struggling the last three episodes. Yay! My only complaint with Las Vegas in the past is that the fun-filled romp fest is infamous for introducing great storylines and dropping them too quickly. (Danny’s war trauma, Sam and Casey’s love story, Nessa’s relocation.) The show has a different feel this year, and it seems to be leaning toward longer story arcs. It still has the outrageous plots, the humor, the slick set and stellar cast, and now it seems a little more conversation to go along with all that action.
Grey’s Anatomy
I want to hug Lexie Grey. When she begged Bailey to not make her work with Meredith because she hates Lexie for something that isn’t her fault, she won me over. As for this George/Izzie/Callie relationship, not so much. Callie needs to kick that cheater to the curb and regain her mojo. Let deer-resuscitating Izzie have him. Callie can do better. I hear MsSteamy’s single again.
Private Practice
I’ve never tried so hard in my life to love a show. (Well, OK, Gossip Girl is an effort, too.) But week after week, Private Practice disappoints me. Yet, I keep hanging on because I know the greatness that is Shonda Rhimes, and my love for Kate Walsh, Tim Daly, Audra McDonald and Taye Diggs knows no bounds. I think I’ve pinpointed my problem. The show setting is silly. (Ducking for cover.) A wellness clinic may work for massage, therapy and alternative medicine, but if your children were turning blue, what parent wouldn’t rush them to an emergency room? If these doctors worked in a hospital, perhaps they’d be more believable and credible. The fact that they sit around all day eating cake, playing pranks and eyeing one another undermines their professionalism. On Grey’s Anatomy, at least they always redeem their childish antics by performing some miraculous medical miracle. Maybe next week will be better.
Chuck
Here’s just one of the reasons I’m enjoying Chuck. The writers are obviously fans of Lost. What else could explain one of Chuck’s government-downloaded secrets including the fact that Oceanic Flight 815 was shot down? (That’s a nod to the plane that crashed on Lost.) Brilliant!
Losing steam
I loved the pilot episodes of Reaper and Moonlight, but I’m quickly losing interest. Moonlight hasn’t grabbed me the way Buffy and Angel did, and Reaper seems to be lacking that Kevin Smith polish that made the pilot shine. Heroes is also waning for me. I’ll just say it. There are too many heroes. Watching this show is like having ADD. We get a two-minute clip of one story, and then it’s on to the next.
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 The Office
I’m not sure what was funnier: Meredith as the face of rabies, Michael’s charity check made out to “Science,” or Creed’s admission that he used to be in a cult, as both a leader and a follower. Hysterical. The hour-long season premiere of The Office was a fun ride. I was a little disturbed at Dwight’s method to kill Angela’s cat, though. A freezer? Someone call PETA. As for our favorite couple, Jim and Pam, they’re dating. EEEE!!!! They were adorable, holding hands, during the rabies run and trying to hide their romance from their co-workers. That didn’t last long. I must confess that while I’m enjoying JAM, I’m going to miss Karen. Maybe Michael can recruit her back to Scranton for his next non-charity run.
Grey’s Anatomy
Meredith Grey, perhaps some bran in your diet will make you a little less bitchy. Frankly, you aren’t nice. This isn’t news, considering how rude Meredith has been to her family in the past. But, she was exceptionally harsh on her newly discovered sister, Lexie, to the point where I wanted to take McDreamy’s stethoscope and check to see if she has a heart in that cold empty chest. I love the new girl, Lexie. To quote George, she is, “kind of awesome.” Yes, she is. Meredith could take a lesson. The Grey’s premiere was my favorite of the week. It had a good combination of humor, romance and drama. My new favorite couple may be McDreamy and McSteamy. Derek needs a friend and so does Mark. He had the best line of the night when he tossed out this anti-manly quote to Derek, “I came to Seattle to get you back…(awkward pause and grinning) I know. I want to take it back now, but I already said it.” Too cute. I hope these two can rekindle their friendship. As for Izzie, I hated that she once again broke the rules in yet another silly storyline. This time, she saved Bambi - an actual deer - not George. As for Dr. Bailey, well, she was pissed. And rightly so. She deserved to be chief resident, but the Chief told her she belonged in an operating room, not at a desk making out schedules. She was robbed of the job and Chandra Wilson was robbed of an Emmy. George was back repeating his intern year, disillusioned and depressed. The fact that he’s not in love with his wife doesn’t seem to bother him as much as having to take orders from his former colleagues. Telling, yes? It was a little strange not having Burke and Addison in the mix, but I think we’ll adjust. I have high hopes for this season, that is unless bleeding-heart Izzie performs CPR on a turtle or some other half-dead animal.
Smallville
Bizarro Clark was sent packing, courtesy of Clark and his cousin Supergirl, who he has yet to meet. The season premiere had so many loose ends to tie up that it seemed a bit disjointed at times. I think next week will be better. (Fingers crossed.) I enjoyed the Lana-free hour, up until the point we saw her channeling Sydney Bristow in her blonde wig, maneuvering the streets of Asia. Yes, it’s true. She’s alive. Sorry, Lana haters. I know you were hoping Clark would move on this season. It seems Lex is suffering from so much guilt over Lana’s “death” that he’s flipped to the side of good again. Don’t worry. I give that about as much chance of lasting as Lex ever growing hair. As for Chloe, she wasn’t sure what happened during the dam break. All we know is that she somehow saved Lois’ life and woke up in the morgue. And while Clark seemed truly devastated at Chloe’s “death,” he couldn’t even manage a hug for her in the morgue. Yes, it bugged me. He literally pulled a toe tag off of his best friend; so one would think he would have had a bigger reaction to her being alive. But, no, they saved their hug for their grief over Lana. I should have known. This week, it looks like we’ll learn a little more about Supergirl. Frankly, I’d like to find out when she had time to shop for a new outfit in between saving Lex and killing Bizarro.
Brothers & Sisters
The Walkers like their tequila. And what better way to celebrate Kitty’s birthday than with tequila shots and tacos. It’s a deadly combination. Kitty’s party was a complete disaster, much like all the Walker parties. The Brothers & Sisters premiere was one of the best of the week. It was funny. (Hello, did you see that hideous wedding dress!) And businesswoman Sarah discovering that a “mommy job” isn’t an actual job, but a tummy tuck and breast lift made me chuckle. Justin is the heart of the family, and he was missed in the premiere. Here’s hoping he makes it home soon from Iraq, preferably not in a body bag.
 Smallville, The Office, Grey’s Anatomy, oh my!
This week has been a TV lovers’ dream. I’m still on an adrenaline high, after making my way through my DVR lineup.
Several shows manned up for the season finales and delivered unforgettable episodes with jaw-dropping shockers. What’s a TV gal to do? Share my giddiness with you, of course.
Smallville
It usually takes about six Red Bulls to make my heart race the way it was pounding during this action-packed hour. So far, Smallville gets the prize for the best season finale. Mrs. Kent left for Washington, sadly leaving Clark on his own. Perhaps, now, the Man of Steel will finally get some action at the farm. (I kid.)
Meanwhile, Lana was the one to die, supposedly, thanks to a car bomb. Although, I’m not buying the Lana death card, until I’ve seen a body. I’ve been tricked too many times before. That twit is like the Phoenix. No matter how many times they kill her, she just keeps coming back.
Lois was dead, but Chloe revived her with her meteor-laced tears, and then passed out or died herself. I’m hoping for the former. Lionel was trapped under debris and looked like he may be next for the dirt nap, as the dam broke, literally. Lex was arrested for the murder of his wife, and Clark fought himself, sort of, as he faced off against Clark Kent Zoner freak.
That was how you do a season finale. From the special effects to the plot development, Smallville went out with a bang. I can’t wait for next season.
The Office
That sound you heard across the world Thursday night was Pam and Jim fans breathing a sigh of relief. Halpert stepped up and asked Pam out. And finally, Pam started behaving the way any normal woman would when a hot, sweet, panty-dropper-of-a-guy like Jim shows her some attention: She said yes.
Cue the choir: Hal-le-lu-jah!
I’m not sure what happened to Karen. I guess Jim ended it and left her in New York. Sniff…sniff…I’ll miss her and her influence on Jim. (Goodbye “homeless” guy, hello Mr. Professional. His-Karen-inspired haircut was s-s-s-sexy. ) And Jim rocked that t-shirt at Spamalot.
Meanwhile, Jan had a boob “enhancement” and will soon be wearing stretch pants and living with Michael. Dwight went crazy with power, with Michael out of the office, Creed told us about his blog (now available at NBC.com) and Kevin made a list to compare the hotness of Pam and Karen.
The biggest shocker of the night was when Ryan The Temp scored the job at corporate, besting Michael, Karen and Jim. Then, he hilariously, dumped Kelly. Priceless.
I don’t know about you, but it’s killing me that we have to wait the entire summer to see how Jim and Pam’s date went and if Ryan is going to make Michael fetch coffee now.
Grey’s Anatomy
Seriously? Burke called off the wedding?
I would have laid odds that that Cristina would go all runaway bride on him. So, I was shocked that he ended it. Frankly, I can’t understand why he’d want to marry that cantankerous commitment-phobe in the first place, but there is no understanding the minds of these twisted doctors.
Speaking of which, can someone explain crazy Meredith Grey to me? She has McDreamy. All of him. Yet, she keeps shutting him down. Run, Derek, run. I can’t believe you left your sexy, confident wife for this wishy-washy-whiney chick.
The shocker of Grey’s wasn’t that Burke left. It was that George failed his exam, and Bailey didn’t get the chief resident job. The two of them on that bench was heartbreaking. Bailey was horrified that she’d “failed” George. It appears George isn’t going to be a doctor because he doesn’t want to repeat his internship. I can’t blame him. His first two years have been Hell.
In another stunner, the cute gal McDreamy was flirting with at the bar is in fact Meredith’s sister. I say, “Yay!” Let’s give Meredith something to really be upset about.
I’m taking bets as to how long it will be before Derek and the new Dr. Grey are playing doctor.
 The Office
Hell hath no fury like Roy scorned. When Pam told Roy that she had kissed Jim, I got a little scared when Roy screamed, “I’m gonna kill Jim Halpert!” Jim, you can hide at my house, if you like. J (Relax, Tubers, I’m just being polite, you know.) Meanwhile, don’t send hate mail, but I’m enjoying Karen and Jim. There. I said it. Her prank on him at the party was hilarious. They have fun together. Sure, she isn’t Pam, but Jim deserves a little happiness, while new, confident Pam is finding herself. As for Dwight, he’s obviously in the wrong profession. If I ever need a home inspection, I’m calling that dude.
Veronica Mars
They slaughtered Lamb. The sheriff was bashed in the head by a baseball bat. I rarely question the TV god that is Rob Thomas, but this move left me with my very own pain in the head. Why kill Lamb and not have it be a murder mystery Veronica and Keith could solve? I will say this. If Lamb had to go, his death was poetic for the character. He shot his own reflection in the mirror (and we all know how narcistic Lamb was) before getting clubbed with the bat. It was beautiful foreshadowing. But poor Sachs. The guy looked positively traumatized, sort of like me and the rest of the audience, when we realized the sheriff was dead. Meanwhile, now that Lamb is gone, maybe Wallace can get more than one line of dialogue a show. And perhaps the Dean O’Dell murder will finally be solved. Yes, I liked the dean, and I’m hoping that his Mrs. was the culprit. As for Logan, we found out that the guy knows the Kama Sutra by heart. Talk about a shocker.
Boston Legal
Denny Crane at Temple. Enough said. Watching Denny trying to fit in with his Jewish girlfriend and her religious customs had me laughing so hard I was crying. Is there any other character on TV who could get away with the shenanigans that Crane pulls, with blatant disregard for all that is politically correct? The answer is no, and that’s why we love him. How he’ll get out of the impending lawsuit from the rabbi who got hit in the eye with his spitball is another story. I don’t think Alan Shore can save Denny this time. And speaking of Alan, his cruel tirade against “Hands” made me want Alan to be the next target on Denny’s spitball list.
Las Vegas
Sam has better watch her back. Fate has not been kind to the previous two owners of the Montecito. Freak accidents tend to occur to the unfortunate owners. Monica was blown off the roof, and Casey was killed by a giant squid. If this crazy trend continues, I could see Sam going out choking on a hot dog, during one of her famous hot-dog-eating contests. I’m sad that they killed Casey. He deserved better than to buy it in some ridiculous accident. Meanwhile, Mary’s got a gun. I think we all know where this is headed. Danny, talk some sense in to the girl, because there is no way she’ll make it in the hoosegow. Last time I checked, they don’t have prison-orange uniforms with plunging necklines and spaghetti straps.
One Tree Hill
The prom episode ended with a heart-stopping surprise. When Peyton’s handsome blonde date turned around, it wasn’t Lucas. It was that creepy, stalker guy. Up until then, I wanted to punch Peyton myself. The girl had no right to be ticked at Brooke, because to quote Ross Gellar, Nathan and Peyton “were on a break.” (Yeah, I’m Team Brooke, if you can’t tell.) Peyton had no right to be upset considering that she went after Lucas, while he was still dating Brooke. One Tree Hill had the best line of any show on TV this week. The Clean Teen club slogan that was mentioned had me rolling: “We break hearts, not hymens.” Priceless.
Friday Night Lights
Parents who dread talking to their teens about sex, I hope you caught this week’s episode of Friday Night Lights. Tami stumbled upon her daughter’s boyfriend buying condoms and immediately went into action to set her daughter straight. Watching the Taylors deal with realistic family problems is as gripping as any island mystery or plot to save the world. The Taylors walking the floor, waiting for Julie to get home from her date, seemed as stressful as Sawyer and Kate trying to escape The Others. Friday Night Lights knows how to do drama about life issues. Between Tim’s fight with his dad, Lyla’s cheating father and the Taylors dealing with Julie’s adolescence, Dylan, Texas, isn’t just a fictional town. It’s a weekly life lesson in how to tackle difficult problems.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
I enjoy this show, but recently it’s turning me off, as it’s turned into the Matt/Harriet romantic canon. To me, that’s the most boring part of the show. The problem is, Matt and Harriet have no chemistry. I want to see the writing room and Jack, Simon, Tom and the rest of the cast members. I enjoyed guest star Kari Matchett, Dr. Frosty from Invasion. She clicked with Matt. And I loved that Aaron Sorkin gave a shout-out to fans of The West Wing, by making Matchett’s character work for the law firm Gage Whitney. (That was Sam Seaborne’s firm on The West Wing.) Another Sorkin-West Wing reference left me chuckling and recalling the Ainsley Hayes episodes. On Studio 60 this week, a poster for The Pirates of Penzance was visible for several scenes. (Sam’s character on The West Wing was the recording secretary for the Princeton Gilbert and Sullivan Society. Yes, I am a complete geek, if you haven't figured it out already.) Apparently, Sorkin has serious love for Gilbert and Sullivan.
 Brothers and Sisters
I can’t stop gushing about this dysfunctional-family ABC drama. The Valentine’s Day episode was laugh-out-loud funny and, perhaps, the best episode of the series so far. I love Justin, Kevin, Kitty and the entire Walker clan. The addition of Rob Lowe, as a senator en route to the White House, has given new electricity to an already brilliant show. His line to Kitty about Demi Moore was one of the funniest inside jokes ever. “I always had a thing for her,” Lowe deadpanned. (For those of you who missed the ‘80s, check out St. Elmo’s Fire or Google “Brat Pack” to get the joke.) Lowe wasn’t the only highlight. Where else could you see Sally Field and Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) smoking a joint and getting busted by the cops? Only on ABC, folks. If you haven’t already, add this show to your DVR. You won’t be sorry. For more insight, check out the Brothers and Sisters writers blog at ABC, aptly titled Bloggers and Sisters.
The O.C.
This is not a good omen: Ryan finally told Taylor he loved her, and the Earth began shaking violently in a devastating earthquake. This is Marissa’s doing. I just know it. With only two episodes left with our “Cal-if-or-nia” friends, each week that passes makes me sadder. And if the Cohen mansion is devastated in this mess, I will be, too. That house is quite possibly the coolest of all TV pads.
The Office
Phyllis and Bob Vance tied the knot, while Pam watched in horror as all of her own wedding ideas, flowers, music and decorations were on display, even down to the “P&R” floral arrangement. (R is for Robert Vance, apparently, but to Pam it stood for Roy.) Michael was, as usual, so over-the-top it was difficult not to fast-forward his scenes. The best scene of the night was Karen joining the band to sing, “Every Little Thing You Do is Magic” as Jim whipped out his cell phone to wave in the air. Pam, after shooting some meaningful looks at Jim, left with Roy, who looks as if he’d hit the Mystic Tan and the gym. Does Pam even deserve our Jim, if she’s too stubborn to tell him how she feels? I just don’t get her. It’s like she went to the Michael Scott School of Love.
One Tree Hill
This week’s episode was so good and emotionally creative that it forced me into a place I don’t like to go: reminiscing about high school. It was a little bit Breakfast Club meets Beverly Hills 90210, as our favorite Tree Hillers were paired up with a classmate to get to know them before graduation. The exercise said a lot about high-school/society hierarchy and impressions. In a nutshell, the teacher said that high schoolers label all their classmates by one of five words: geek, jock, loner, prom queen, and “friendly” i.e. slut. It’s sad, but true, as I thought back to my days as a teen. This episode also made a statement about changing that image, as teens leave school and head into adulthood. This show was beautifully written and the end photos were a nice touch. I especially loved Nathan posing, arms spread, in front of the Eagle wings, painted on the wall, and Brooke’s pose in front of the over-head machine with the slurs written across her face, arms and torso. “Serious” critics can mock this show all they want. They were probably all “jocks” and “prom queens” in high school, who don’t take time to appreciate the great little moments on TV that this show consistently delivers.
Bones
Hello Sully! Bones got a new partner this week, in the form of actor Eddie McClintock. Apparently, you liked him as much as I did. Ratings for Bones hit an all-time high this week. Sully was introduced as an F.B.I. agent working with Bones, while Booth was dealing with his anger issues. (Shooting an ice-cream truck is generally frowned upon.) I’m sure this is a love triangle in the making. I wouldn’t count out Sully. The last time a hot TV “Sully” was on my radar was during Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and we all know how that turned out.
Friday Night Lights
I love Landry. “Who is Landry,” you ask. Well, he’s Matt’s goofy friend with the crazy band and the charming southern drawl. He’s a scene-stealer, and this week during the Powder Puff game, he did it again. As Coach Taylor made his way onto the field to cheer on his quarterbacking daughter, Landry kept daring Taylor to cross the line. Priceless. The show ended in a shocking cliffhanger, as racial tensions mounted and half of the football team walked off the field. Whether this show is dealing with family dysfunction, small-town life or bigger issues, it scores every week.
Grey’s Anatomy
Is Meredith Grey swimming with the fishing permanently? I wouldn’t worry, Tubers. The show is named after her, despite that show creator Shonda Rhimes wrote this in her blog:
“But you all know Meredith’s been doing a dance with death for some time. Y’all know that if you’ve been watching. She’s dark, our girl. She’s dark and twisty. And I worry about her. Now, I’m really worried about her because she’s in the water and I want to be clear with you: I don’t put people in the water for no reason. Meredith’s got issues, she’s got serious Mommy issues and she’s broken and she’s in the water. I’m not entirely playing by the rules of TV here. I killed Denny. I blew up Dylan."
(Gulp.) OK, maybe we should be worried. On a lighter note, I loved the B storyline of Richard dying his hair, and Addison’s defense of him to McDreamy, Burke and the “man whore.” Hilarious. As for that lost little girl permanently attached to Meredith, Mr. Tube Talk thinks she’s a ghost or a death angel. That observation gave me chills. I’m not convinced, however, but wouldn’t that be a cool twist? But if we have to have a ghost helping out at the ferryboat disaster, may I suggest Dylan the bomb guy? I'm just saying.
 DVR, I blame you for this.
Regular Tube Talk readers know I usually do The Week in Review at the end of the week. But, since DVR entered my life, I’ve lost the ability to actually watch a show at its appropriate time and (sometimes) night. Therefore, I hope you’ll forgive me for the lateness of this wrap-up. My remote, and I, submit ourselves to your mercy.
Smallville
Clark Kent, you’ve been a bad, bad boy. “Red-rock Clark” (that’s Clark on Red Kryptonite, for those of you who aren’t regular viewers) is always a treat for viewers, as the innocent farm boy loses his inhibitions and goes on his own “Girls Gone Wild” tour. I loved this episode, and it wasn’t because of Lois’ hooker-boot-mini-skirt combo that so many male viewers wrote to me about to praise. Clark finally admitted that he’d thought about a relationship with Chloe. (Yay!) And we found out that baby Luthor isn’t normal. (Whatever that means. Like you expected “normal” from Lex’s swimmers?) Two things continue to perplex me with this show. First, why is the Kent’s refrigerator the size of an Easy Bake Oven? Martha Kent is a senator, for Pete's sake. Surely, she could afford a side-by-side number with an icemaker. And finally, why can’t Clark get over Lana? I thought we were done with this already. I can only hope that Clark will listen to his mother’s wise advice about Lana and, “Leave her alone!” Preach it, Mama Kent! Amen.
Boston Legal
How can you not love a show where conservative-gun-toting-Republican Denny Crane battles Homeland Security and then dresses in costume as Dick Cheney? Simply put, you can’t. The highlight of this week’s episode was a costume party to help improve employee morale. The folks from Crane, Poole and Schmidt were supposed to dress up as someone they admired and who inspired values. Alan came as Shirley Schmidt. Shirley came as Diane Sawyer. Brad and Jeff both came as Buzz Lightyear. But, it was Crane, in his Cheney costume, who stole the show. The final signature scene of Boston Legal, usually features Denny and Alan drinking scotch and smoking cigars on the balcony. This week, they slow danced. Yes, together. They wisecracked (beautifully breaking the third wall,) that their neighbors, i.e. “regular viewers” shouldn’t be shocked at anything that goes on at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Hilarious! Boston Legal may be considered a drama, but trust me, it’s one of the funniest comedies on the tube.
Veronica Mars…pregnant?
I’m still picking my jaw off the floor after the previews at the end of Veronica Mars where she said the “p” word. Are we to believe that the savviest teen to grace the small screen is not smart enough to use birth control? I’m not buying it. We all know the CW promo machine is misleading sometimes, and I’m betting this is one of those times. So, in response to your e-mails, “No. I don’t think she’s got a bun in the oven.” Meanwhile, I’m going to hire Veronica to find Wallace. Don’t mock. Someone needs to do something. He’s been missing since fall. And finally, don’t send hate mail because I really do love Jason Dohring, but lately I can’t tell what the hell he’s saying. Jason, can you please enunciate? (Not that I mind rewinding your shirtless scenes 15 times to try and decipher your dialogue, but, my rewind button is getting a little ticked.)
The O.C.
Julie Cooper Nichol Roberts shot down the Bullit. Pun intended. Team Frank prevailed over Team Bullit, and it seems Ryan’s daddy and Marissa’s mommy are destined for a love connection. I love the Bullit, but I can’t blame Julie for choosing hunky Frank. After all, he looks an awful lot like Hercules. (Sorry. I couldn’t resist.)
Friday Night Lights
Why aren’t you watching this show, people? I’m afraid if viewership doesn’t increase, we’re going to have to do a Hail Mary to save this show. Tubers, you know I’m no fan of football, and even I’ve been sucked into this drama. This is great story telling. If you haven’t watched before, you can still jump in. The episodes work as stand alones, so you won’t be lost. Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton steal the show. Yes, I said Kyle Chandler. That Kyle Chandler. Grey’s Anatomy fans who loved him as “bomb squad guy who was blown up at Seattle Grace,” check him out as a football coach on Friday Night Lights. He’s much better at his job here.
Bones
Creepy-killer Epps is finally finished. Booth and Bones put an end to his torturous ways. Of course, Cam breathed a mouthful of poison and almost headed to the science lab in the sky, before Epps was busted. This show gets better each week, and yes, that’s coming from someone who hates procedural crime dramas. But, Bones knows its niche isn’t just the crime cases, but the characters and relationships. That’s why Booth left us with his new nugget of wisdom that people who work together can’t have personal relationships. Cue another season of sexual tension between the F.B.I. agent and the scientist. I’m in.
 Lucas Scott isn’t the only one whose heart stopped last night. Holy heart paddles! Wednesday’s episode of One Tree Hill had more shockers than a night out with Britney Spears.
Haley was mowed down by evil gambler guy. Consequently, Nathan then beat up evil gambler guy after the car crash and may, or may not, have killed him. Dan Scott is – I can’t believe I’m saying this – doing something selfless. And Lucas chucked his heart meds so he could save the game and was rewarded with cardiac arrest, after seeing his best friend Hayley, lifeless and bleeding.
I think I need a heart pill.
Wednesday’s episode was a brilliant display of drama, emotion and plot twists. If you missed it, don’t make that mistake again. I’m doing what I can to promote this show. It’s one of my guilty pleasures, much like Melrose Place was in the ‘90s.
One Tree Hill has never been a critic’s choice, other than a few of us. And that’s too bad. Yes, sometimes, the show can be overly dramatic, too sports-centric, and at times, play like a music video, as moody pop tunes accompany numerous scenes. But, at the core, One Tree Hill is satisfying escapism with villains, love stories and smart literary references. And I enjoy the music, too. So who cares if none of the kids look like they’re in high school, or even act like high-school students? It doesn’t matter. It’s still an entertaining hour of television.
As for Dan Scott, well, I wanted to smack him when he told Nathan that he’d killed evil gambler guy. How did he know that? I think the gambler guy may have died when he crashed the car, and the blood and bruises could have easily been explained from the crash. Still, Dan stepped up and is going to take the blame, it appears. Dan Scott, a nice guy? I guess the guilt from Keith’s murder did drive him mad. It seems his character transformation is beginning.
Next week looks to be a great episode, too, as Lucas heads to the other side. And I don’t mean South Carolina. Uncle Keith, apparently in ghostly form, joins Lucas from the beyond for some juicy drama. Don’t miss it. But, be warned: take your heart medication before watching.
 Veronica Mars sure knows how to celebrate Halloween. She didn’t exactly spend the fright-filled night “rolling ‘Tweeners for chocolate,” but she did manage to solve a robbery, exonerate Evil Weevil and finally get on Sheriff Lamb’s good side. Yep, it’s all in a day’s work for the effective detective.
Tuesday’s episode had so many delicious moments, but one of the best was when that publicity-hog Sheriff Lamb broke into The Robot. Hello 1980s! Who knew the sheriff could move like that? Meanwhile, my Wallace turned into a cheater, and Cliff proved he should chuck that law license and do voiceovers for the Olive Garden. The Hearst rape mystery continued, and dare I say it, actually got interesting. There were also some greet lines, including this gem from Veronica commenting about the case, “Hello, square one. Nice to see you again.”
For those of you confused as to what Logan and Veronica were dressed as for Halloween, apparently it was the musical group The White Stripes. But don’t worry if you didn’t get it. I didn’t either. We can’t all be cool kids. (When I first spotted that wig on Logan, I though he was posing as Shaggy from Scooby Doo.)
Kudos to the writers for having Keith Mars use the name Adrian Monk, one of my other favorite TV detectives, during the break-in scheme. And thank you Rob Thomas for pulling out Johnny Cash’s Busted to accompany the scene where the criminals got their comeuppance. Nice.
 Grey’s Anatomy
A drugged-up Meredith Grey equals the best hour of television anywhere this week. This week’s Grey’s Anatomy was McFabulous. Where to start? Well, how about that “dirty mistress” Mark Sloan, who sold his practice and moved to Seattle, only to be told by his lover that he should go home. Ouch!
One of the best moments of the show was when the staff spotted Sloan being welcomed by the chief. “Oh my God,” Addison uttered, stopped cold in her tracks. “Oh my God,” echoed Derek, also stopped cold. And then of course, the entire staff geared up to watch the confrontation, as Meredith had a vomiting spell and Christina announced that Meredith was pregnant. Welcome to Seattle Grace, Dr. Sloan, where everybody knows your business.
On Sloan’s first day, his former best friend called him an “adulteress sociopath”, he totally disrespected my beloved Dr. Bailey, and he proved that his bedside manner with patients is sorely lacking. Apparently, McSteamy isn’t the touchy-feely type, except when he’s getting touchy-feely with Addison.
As for Meredith, I can honestly say I’ve never enjoyed her so much. Can we keep her on painkillers from here on out? The scene where she had all her “boyfriends” in her hospital room was hilarious, especially when she tattled that George is a good kisser. Who knew? But the absolute best line of the night went to the drugged-up Meredith, upon seeing Dr. Sloan, she yelled across the hospital “McSteamy,” beckoning him to her bedside. "How's my favorite dirty mistress?" he replied, as a grin swept across that chiseled face. "Haven't you heard? Now I'm an adulterous whore," Meredith shot back loudly, which seemed to tickle McSteamy as much as it did me.
Derek also decided that he loved Meredith enough to walk away, and that Finn was the better man. Too bad Meredith had already kicked McVet to the curb, realizing that McDreamy was the one for her. The biggest shockers of the night were when bad girl Callie dumped George and picked up Mr. “Man Candy” Mark, and when George realized that Izzie is now rolling in bank, to the tune of $8.7 million. Gulp. Thanks to Denny, Izzie is loaded, and not as in spent too much time at the bar. I can’t wait until next week! (If you haven’t seen this week’s TV Guide, go get a copy, Tubers. McSteamy is gracing the cover, and he has some fun things to say in the interview.)
Veronica Mars lands some familiar TV faces
Veronica Mars, sorority girl? Not so much. This week’s episode was signature Veronica Mars, as our favorite detective posed as a rush-week candidate to help catch a campus rapist. She bantered her way through floral dresses, serenading sorority sisters and keggers. We got a brief glimpse of Sheriff Lamb, (Yay!) Logan streaking, and plenty of Wallace proving he’s still too cool for school. Ah, good times. In addition, Keith Mars broke my heart during his crying scene, when he realized he was partly responsible for Kendall’s death. I can’t help but laugh at all the familiar TV faces popping up on this show. Apparently, the Mars folks are long-time TV fans, too. Last week, Professor Laskey from Saved by the Bell showed up as Veronica’s criminology professor. (Somewhere, Kelly Kapowski is so jealous.) This week, we saw Samm Levine (Neal) from Freaks and Geeks, Jason Beghe (Matt’s boyfriend Jeffrey) from Melrose Place, and a couple former soap stars: Robyn Richards (Maxie) from General Hospital and David Tom (Billy) from The Young and the Restless. I only have one complaint about the show. I don’t like the slowed-down version of the theme song. Give me back that peppy, “We used to be friends.”
Smallville meets Oliver Queen
Hello, Oliver Queen. Welcome to Smallville. Lois isn’t the only one smitten with the new guy and his killer aim. Who knew archery could be sexy? That smile could melt icecaps. Honestly, I’ve never really been a fan of the other comic-book characters coming to Smallville. Those are usually my least favorite episodes. (Sorry Flash and Aquaman.) But honestly, the archer has caught my interest, and I’m looking forward to his scenes with Clark. Meanwhile, Lex and Lana got horizontal, and Chloe is apparently now Jimmy’s girl, much to Clark’s uneasiness. It’s rare that a TV show, after more than four years, remains entertaining. But Smallville is just as good, if not better than ever before. Well done!
Men in Trees
Those of you missed this fun piece of escapism, get on board, now. Men in Trees is one of my favorite new shows. It had one rocky episode, but overall, it’s a keeper. Main-character Marin (Anne Heche), the wild animals, the kooky folks of Elmo and a sexy guy named Jack are why you should be watching. Well, that, and the fact that a little piece of all us wants to escape to Alaska and live among the animals.
by Jennifer Squires Biller
Nip/Tuck
Rosie O’Donnell stole the show last week on Nip/Tuck as “white trash” lottery winner Dawn Budge. Her theory that money can buy anything, including a $400,000 romp with Christian Troy, proved correct. But in the end, her money didn’t buy happiness, as a lonely, newly liposuctioned Dawn realized. O’Donnell’s brief sex scene with Julian McMahon was one of the funniest in Nip/Tuck’s history, as Dawn rattled on about macaroni and cheese and Christian’s performance. According to O’Donnell’s blog, she ad-libbed that priceless line regarding Christian’s anatomy placement. As for Matt, I’m so sick of this kid disrespecting his parents. It’s just cruel. The brat didn’t deserve that Porsche; a one way ticket to counseling, absolutely, but not that fine example of automotive engineering.
Veronica Mars
Keith Mars had better be breathing this week, instead of going down for the dirt nap, or I’ll be firing off an e-mail to Rob Thomas. Wait a minute. What am I thinking? It’s Keith Mars, daddy to my beloved Veronica. Thomas wouldn’t dare kill Keith, despite how it looked at the end of last week’s show. As the show debuted this season, we met Wallace’s new roommate Piz, saw Logan and Veronica in a post-coital glow, felt sorry for Dick as he mourned his brother’s death, and watched Keith run for his life. Welcome back to the divine “Miss M.” We’ve missed you. But where was Sheriff Lamb? I’m hoping someone breaks the law this week, so the sheriff can come calling. I volunteer for the job, if no one else is game.
Lost
The most anticipated show return of the season started out with a bang. We learned that while the crash victims have been living like animals on the beach, the Others have their own suburban village of houses, book clubs, and neighbors on the other side of the island. I also learned that I hate the Others story arc. There are so many characters already on the canvas with so many stories to tell, that we didn’t need creepy Henry Gale and his gang of question dodgers. Enough already. Give me Desmond, Sayeed, Hurley, Jin, Sun, Sawyer, Jack, John and Kate. On an up note, Sawyer in a cage isn’t a bad thing. He and Kate proved they still have chemistry. In the sweetest scene of the night, he gave her his fish biscuit. (Awww!) But explain this: Hadn’t Kate just eaten a yummy breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, juice and coffee? (That greedy bitch!) As for Jack, Matthew Fox gave an Emmy worthy performance in his scenes. His flashback to losing his wife to another man and accusing his father of sleeping with her were incredible, as was his breakdown at the end of the show. There is no better dramatic actor in primetime than Fox when he cries. Juliette clearly isn’t human, or she would have reached out and comforted the good doctor after his meltdown. The poor guy left me reaching for the Kleenex.
Smallville
Clark Kent discovered his super breath this week. Well, technically, Chloe discovered it, but I won’t quibble. Clark discovering his powers is usually my favorite part of Smallville, and this one didn’t disappoint. Clark’s super-sneezing was hilarious, too, especially when he faked out Chloe at The Daily Planet. I love that Clark shares his secrets with his sidekick, and I can’t wait to see how Chloe’s relationship with Jimmy plays into all of it. I’m not sure yet about Oliver Queen, the archer, and future love interest of Lois Lane. I want to see him go a few rounds with Sexy Lexy and Lois before I make my final judgment. Overall, it was a great episode and beautifully lit, especially during the Chloe/Lois barn door scene and the final Chloe/Clark scene in the loft. I still contend that this is the most visually beautiful show on television. If you aren’t watching Smallville, you’re missing one of the best and most beautiful shows on the tube. And apparently Clark Kent can now control the weather. So, you know, you should get on his good side by tuning in.
Grey’s Anatomy
Apparently real estate in Seattle is a priceless commodity. That’s the only explanation for several wealthy doctors heading to a hotel, instead of trying to find apartments. The Chief, Callie, Addison and Mark are all living at the same hotel now. George, I’m warning you: With Callie’s tendency to walk around naked, I fear it won’t be long before she and the Chief are sharing more than their medical degrees. Izzie is still in mourning, and she needs to snap out of it soon. Seriously, I can’t take much more. I miss spunky Izzie. And I miss cocky, neck-snapping Burke. Meredith seemed to have plenty of spunk left, though, as she laid down the dating rules to Derek (“McDreamy”) and Finn (“I have plans.”) As for my beloved Addison, she broke my heart during her closet cry. Paging McSteamy. I think he may be just what the doctor ordered.
 I’m not sure if the special effect in the final two minutes of Grey’s Anatomy was intentional or not, but the fact that steam rolled out of the bathroom at the exact moment Mark exited, wearing nothing but a towel and the gifts God gave him, was hilarious. We get it ABC: he’s McSteamy. I’m sold. Now, can he please stay in Seattle? And I’d like to be the first to start a petition that he should never wear a shirt. Towels are optional.
As for Addison, well, I was feeling sorry for her the entire hour as she came to the realization that her marriage was over. Her plan to get over her cheating husband seemed to be working: get drunk, dawn a funky hat and your ugliest outfit, vow to get fat as you consume your bodyweight in backed goods, and finish it off with a night of McSteamy sex with a man so hot it should make you say, “McDreamy who?” But, she didn’t exactly look pleased as the credits rolled.
Dr. Bailey ruled this episode. Chandra Wilson continues to wow me on a weekly basis. I just hope her talk will snap Izzie out of her Betty Crocker-therapy-exercise of baking love muffins. Don’t hate me, but this whole Denny story arc was a bust for me. The fact that Izzie fell for him so fast and went to such extremes never really seemed believable to me, despite Katherine Heigl’s beautiful performances. Nevertheless, I miss tough-girl, trailer-park Izzie.
Alex, you are dead to me. A dying woman in the bathroom? Seriously? And eww. Have you no shame?
Callie, on behalf of thick girls everywhere, I salute you. I’m so sick of seeing women who look like lollipops on television. Callie looks like a real woman. And she’s gorgeous. Kudos to the writers for giving her scenes where she’s dancing in her skivvies and showing off that brick-house body. But what was she thinking talking to her boss in her underpants? Who does that? The normal reaction to your boss catching you in your panties would be to to cringe in horror and frantically grab your clothes (unless your boss was McDreamy.) Callie has a zero-embarrassment meter. I guess we should just be glad she didn’t use the bathroom in front of the Chief.
As for Meredith, McVet and Derek, honestly, I really don’t care who she chooses. Either way is a win. Besides, I’m much more interested in the Addison, Mark, Derek story.
 by Jennifer Squires Biller
In a controversy that could rival the behind-the-scenes chaos at The View, a recent scene on Rescue Me has fans and television columnists everywhere in an uproar.
I first posted about the disturbing rape/sex scene last week and asked viewers or the show writers to explain. Thanks to all of you who took time to e-mail me with your opinions and viewpoints. A special shout-out to my friend and fellow Rescue Me junkie, Bob, who gave me his brilliant plot analysis.
Rescue Me writer/producer Peter Tolan ventured to the Television Without Pity forum to take on fans that were brutally criticizing the scene and the show. Here’s an excerpt of Tolan’s comments at TWOP explaining the scene:
“We tried to be extremely careful about that scene. I did not direct the episode, but I did my most careful writing in preparing the scene. Our feeling has always been that Tommy and Janet are in a highly dysfunctional relationship (obviously), a negative vortex fueled by only one positive - a faint glimmer of love that is constantly overshadowed by truly fantastic physical attraction. In terms of the scene last night, I never wrote the words 'don't' or 'no' at any point in the scene, and when I talked to Andrea about the playing of the thing, I pretty much told her that she had to stand up to Tommy - that he had taken so much away from her over the years, that she had to stare him down from a position of strength while he was forcing himself on her. I told her to shame him with the words she was given - to let him know she couldn't hurt her anymore, no matter what he did. Did this come across? For many viewers, obviously not. I was not on set the day the scene was shot (I live in California and am only in NYC when I direct episodes), so maybe those ideas weren't followed through as well as they could have been. I'll admit this is extremely dicey stuff. The idea of any woman 'enjoying' being raped is repellant, and caused all of us (and the network) a great deal of concern. But again, these are seriously damaged people who are unable to express their emotions - and so expression through brutality has become expected.”
Tolan talked at length with posters on the message board about the scene and at one point offered to mail a dead horse to those who were still ranting, so they could beat it. Funny guy.
OK, so there it is, straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. For more on the rape controversy, check out Alan Sepinwall’s column in The New Jersey Star-Ledger and his blog.
 by Jennifer Squires Biller
OK, it’s not often I need help deciphering television plots. (Unless I’m watching any random episode of make-my-head-explode-it's-so-complicated Lost.) I mean, I am Tube Talk Girl, after all, with years of experience with the basic TV-drama formula. But this week’s episode of Rescue Me left me staring blankly at the TV, saying “What-the-????.” I’m referring to the Tommy/Janet scene at the end of the show. If any of my fellow TV addicts — or Denis Leary if you’re reading this — can offer an explanation as to what happened there, I’d be grateful.
Please explain this to me: Why did Tommy call the bar and ask if his brother was there and if the bartender had his gun? Was he hoping to set up his brother to find him in a compromising position with Janet? Did Tommy go there with the intentions to get horizontal with his ex, or did it just happen? Was it rape? (As brutal as it started, I didn’t hear her say “no,” and after it was over, she seemed more concerned with the fate of the chaise lounge than what had just happened.) Who was the woman Tommy was talking to at the beginning of the scene, when she told him his brother was at the bar? Was that Janet? What was up with Tommy’s grin at the end? Was he hoping a Gavin heir would soon be on the way, or was he just happy to have one-upped his brother? Were Tommy and his brother working together on some sort of scheme against Janet, and Tommy double crossed him? Help me, Tubers. Please. My head hurts.
For those of you who have never seen Rescue Me, I feel compelled to tell you that you’re missing one of television’s best-hidden secrets. Yes, it’s a summer show, which is usually code for crap-fest, but Rescue Me is a gem. It’s dark at times, but the comic elements are brilliant, laugh-out-loud funny and offer a nice balance to the drama. Leary is so charismatic as the dysfunctional Tommy Gavin, you won’t be able to look away. Rescue Me is the high-quality type of show that we normally see on the fall schedule. Thankfully, we get to watch it during summer, when good television is practically nonexistent.
If you aren’t watching Rescue Me, I have five words for you: DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW. Go get the DVDs to catch up on what you’ve missed. (Please note, Rescue Me is for mature audiences only and contains mature language and situations i.e. don’t watch it with your kids or your grandma.)
Here’s what Tube Talk Girl has said previously about Rescue Me:
Rescue Me is an education in machismo, with a scandal at
every corner. Denis Leary brilliantly plays main character Tommy Gavin as brash and sassy. His temper is short. His insults long. And he has the petulance of a preschooler, which makes for some entertaining situations. The deeply flawed Gavin does have a few redeeming qualities: his candor and his courage.
To read Tube Talk Girl’s original review of Rescue Me, click here: http://tubetalk.blogspot.com/2006/02/rescue-me-and-dancing-with-stars.html
 by Jennifer Squires Biller
Pepper Dennis
I’m probably the only person in America watching this show. So I feel compelled to share this hilarious bit from this week’s episode. First, here’s Pepper Dennis 101: Dennis (Rebecca Romijn, formerly Stamos) is a television news reporter trying to claw her way to the highly coveted anchor position that was given to her hunky new co-worker and romantic interest (Josh Hopkins.) This week, a new news director, Les Gaye, (insert your own joke here) joined the show and immediately butted heads with the gang with his concept of “Newsatainment,” news that is entertainment based. Here’s the hilarious dialogue that made me wonder if this is what’s really happening in newsrooms across America:
“Viewers don’t want war coverage and traffic reports. They’re depressed enough. Instead, it’s our job to lighten the load, give their brains some time off. What’s up with Vaughnsted? Are Nick and Jessica splitsville because she got caught with her Daisy Dukes around her ankles? Newsatainment equals ratings.”
Hmmm…I think Les Gaye may be on to something. That’s why your’re reading this blog right?
Everybody Hates Chris
My favorite part of Everybody Hates Chris is Chris’ Dad, Julius, the always-entertaining Terry Crews. This week, the show was Julius-heavy, as the kids tried to figure out what to give him for Fathers Day. He told them he wanted nothing, and who can blame him when his typical gifts are macaroni-glued-covered slippers and homemade cologne? Turns out, my favorite coupon-cutting dad just wanted to spend the day not being a dad i.e. no wife, kids or gifts. For us, that meant Julius having the house to himself to watch bowling and do his version of the Tom Cruise underwear dance on top of the kitchen table, singing "I Will Survive" into a plastic spoon. After a few hours of private time, Julius started missing the kids and decided to join them at the movies. And yes, he had a coupon!
Scrubs: Welcome Back Coxer
This week’s Scrubs will forever be on my TiVo, right next to the Turk Poison-dance episode. The opening scene where Dr. Cox returned to work, after accidentally killing three patients and spiraling into a drunken depression, was hysterical. J.D. and the gang greeted him singing the theme from Welcome Back Kotter, while wearing Welcome Back Coxer t-shirts depicting Cox’s face. Trust me, you have to see it. Hilarious. The fantastic one-liners in this episode were too numerous to list, but this was my favorite: Elliot told Dr. Cox she had started an “I Hate Cox” chat room on the Internet. “So far it’s me, two interns and 14,000 lesbians.”
Priceless.
 by Jennifer Squires Biller
Talk about cliffhangers, Las Vegas certainly knows how to produce a season finale. Big Ed took a bullet to the chest. The bride, Delinda, was making eyes at her former flame, Danny. The groom, Dr. Derek, was puking. And I have no words to describe the convoluted mess that is Casey/Sam/Mary/Woody. I need an aspirin to keep it all straight. (Or maybe just a shot of that breath spray Mike is so fond of. I’m convinced it contains more than just cinnamon.)
I’m 100 percent sure Delinda won’t wed do-gooder Dr. Derek. This is party-girl Delinda. Hooking her wagon “’till death to her part” to a man whose idea of a good time is listening to Christopher Cross’ “Sailing,” while male bonding, doesn’t seem like the best idea.
Meanwhile, how funny were the scenes where Sam and Danny were trying to find dates to the wedding? I was hoping they might go together, but then Woody came rushing in at the last minute. It doesn’t matter. There isn’t going to be a wedding anyway, when Ed doesn’t show. So, “thank you” to the gunman for stopping this fiasco before it starts. And once again I ask, how is it that Sam is OK with Casey and Mary dating? Not likely. Bring on the next season, and hopefully more Casey Manning(Dean Cain.) He was a great addition to the cast this season.
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Never in all of my TV-viewing life would I have predicted that Friday night would be the best night for TV viewing. But it’s true. Friday is the new Thursday.
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