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 Dana Delany, of China Beach fame, could end up a desperate housewife.
Delany previously turned down the role of Bree three times, so I’m not sure what could entice her to finally join the primetime soap. Maybe she’s heard about Bree’s delicious cakes.
I know Desperate Housewives has taken a beating from critics the last two seasons, but I still enjoy the show. But, if ABC wants to infuse some new life into it, via new cast members, may I suggest some new male neighbors on Wisteria Lane?
I can think of plenty of faces I would much rather see living next door to the dysfunctional housewives than Delany. How about Ed star Thomas Cavanagh or JAG star David James Elliot? If those guys are too expensive, then how about former General Hospital star Wally Kurth? He sings, he can act, and he has dimples that would make Gaby melt in her stilettos. (Gaby’s portrayer Eva Longoria actually got her start on daytime, too.)
What do you think of Delany joining the housewives? Will you tune in to watch her?
 CBS benches Smith
If you got attached to Smith, I’m sorry. CBS is benching the show “until further notice.” The decision is due to apparent lack of ratings. And here I thought Simon Baker shirtless could solve all ratings challenges. I guess not.
Heroes
Good news for Heroes fans: NBC has ordered a full-season pickup of the fascinating new drama. I think those heroes may be using their superpowers to sway network decisions. If that’s the case, then I’m putting up an SOS for Veronica Mars. Who’s with me? Also, Hiro — my new favorite TV character season — has his own personal blog at NBC, check it out here.
Lost casting news
Nathan Fillion — that’s Capt. Malcolm Reynolds to you Serenity Brown Coat fans — is set to join Lost for several episodes, according to E!Online Scoop Diva Kristin Veitch. Fillion’s character is intimately connected to Kate. Of course he is, because Sawyer and Jack just aren’t enough to keep that gal busy. Seriously, how do I get Kate’s job?
Tim Daly interview
Former TV stars are popping up on our screens everywhere and in the press. (See the next two blurbs for more.) Tim Daly, forever known to many TV fans as Joe on Wings, has a great interview at TV Guide about his amazing new show The Nine. Check it out. Also, for you former Wings fans, Joe’s brother Brian, actor Steven Weber, is currently starring in Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Now, if we can just get a gig somewhere for Helen.
Josh Jackson interview
Pacey Witter fans, former Dawson’s Creek star Josh Jackson did an interesting interview with Media Blvd. Magazine about his movie Aurora Borealis. Check it out here. Boy, do I miss Pacey.
David James Elliot interview
JAG fans, David James Elliot spoke with TV Guide about his new job on Close to Home and his former role on JAG. Check it out here.
William Shatner game-show host
Denny Crane’s portrayer, William Shatner, is set to host a new trivia-based game show, Show Me the Money, for ABC, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Move over Regis, Shatner will soon have as many jobs as that busy show talker.
 by Jennifer Squires Biller
JAG fans, you can stop wondering what happened to David James Elliot. He’s headed to the CBS drama Close to Home this fall as a series regular, according to TV Guide.
And in what could be labeled as typecasting, he’ll play a charming lawyer/district attorney. This news is bittersweet for me. I loved JAG and am a huge fan of Elliot’s, but I was hoping he’d land a gig on one of the many shows I already watch i.e. Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal. Unfortunately, this news means I’ll have to put Close to Home on my DVR, despite the fact that I hate case-of-the-week plot-driven shows. I’ve never been a fan of Close to Home, but I watched sporadically last season hoping Christian Kane would get more than two minutes of screen time and perhaps get to bust out his guitar. As it turned out, a drunk driver killed his character in the finale. And no, he didn’t have an “evil hand.” (If you didn’t get that joke, you missed Kane’s awesome performance on Angel and we can no longer be friends.)
May 11, 2005
May is the time of year when television critics get downright giddy. Well, not me, of course, because I would never let fictional TV shows affect my mood.
Not buying it? You’re right. Boone’s death on Lost sent me running for a box of Kleenex. And watching Dr. Cox on Scrubs humorously go off on one of his co-workers puts a little extra spring in my step. So, it’s safe to say that during the month of May, I’m usually in a good mood, because that’s when viewers get to see the year’s most exciting episodes.
Networks save their best work for the sweeps period and then follow that up with the season finales. Usually, the finales try to shock audiences. This year, some shows look like they won’t disappoint. We’re in store for some jaw-dropping finales.
Lost – We may finally get an explanation of Walt’s wacky powers,  find out the contents of the secret hatch and discover what kind of monster is roaming the island. (Personally, I haven’t ruled out Vincent the dog as the possible bloodthirsty beast.) More startling, though, are rumors that Boone may not be the only survivor pushing up sand, soon. Do you think it’s too late to send Sawyer a note in a bottle to not get on that deathtrap raft?
Jack and Bobby – Film stars Tim Robbins and Lou Diamond Phillips will guest star. Robbins will be the voice of the future president. And Phillips is apparently the incarcerated father of Jack and Bobby. Rumors abound that we may find out how Jack dies, too. For me and the other three people watching this show, these episodes may be the last we see. The network still hasn’t announced whether it will renew this piece of perfection. While critical praise has been abundant, ratings have not.
 The O.C. – I lost interest in the Orange County gang a couple months ago, but I tuned in last week just in time to see Kirsten’s shocking car accident. The finale will deal with Kirsten’s drinking problem. (She’s about as good at hiding her liquor addiction as Julie Cooper-Nichol is at parenting.) And it seems Caleb is working overtime to tick off everyone in Orange County. Trust me, it’s never a good sign to get the entire town mad at you so close to the end of the season. Can you say, “Who shot J.R.?”
Las Vegas –The Montecito Hotel and Casino is up for sale, and Dean Cain returns as Sam’s husband. Will Danny, Mike, Nessa and the gang all get to keep their jobs working for the new owners? Let’s hope. Jon Bon Jovi, John Elway, and Gladys Knight will guest star in the finale. And it appears an explosion may rock the casino on Las Vegas. I don’t think I’m alone in saying, Danny, please take cover.
 JAG finale - Due to last week’s timely Mother’s Day column, I didn’t get a chance to dish on the JAG finale. As far as happy endings go, JAG creator Donald Bellisario got it right. Harm proposed. Mac said yes. And millions of viewers breathed a collective sigh of relief. We were even treated to some flashbacks of their decade-long tortured love story. In typical Bellisario fashion, the series ended on a note of uncertainty. The betrothed couple flipped a coin to decide which of them would give up their military careers to follow the other one. I had hoped we’d get to see some familiar faces in the finale, namely Admiral Chegwidden, Tiner, and Sgt. Victor “Gunny” Galindez. But, overall, the final show was a nice salute to loyal viewers.
Originally published 5/11/05 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.
 April 6, 2005
If there’s one thing I’m an expert in, it’s detectives. Um, television detectives, that is.
So, trust me when I tell you that Harlan Judd, of ABC’s new show Eyes, is the most charming gumshoe to outwit the bad guys since Remington Steele. I’m basing that statement on years of my own investigating. I’ve tried them all, from Simon and Simon, to Jake and the Fatman, to Dave and Maddie of Moonlighting.
Eyes has the comfortable feel of those shows but with a dark, modern twist. Tim Daly stars as Judd, the owner of Judd Risk Management. His agency is a place where clients can turn when they can’t, or won’t, turn to the police. Daly is witty, charming, and a delight to have back on the tube. He’s been sorely missed since Wings was grounded.
Judd’s co-workers are just as sly as their boss and as sorely lacking in trustworthiness. There was so much double-crossing in the premiere episode, that I’m still not sure who the good guys are. Deception, blackmail, lies - nothing was off limits.
The show teeters between light-hearted comedy and shocking drama. (I still can’t believe Nora shot Jeff. I so didn’t see that coming.) Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon, formerly of NYPD Blue and Laura Leighton, formerly of Melrose Place round out an excellent ensemble cast.
Watching Eyes you can pick up some really useful skills. You can learn how to reassemble shredded documents. (And really, who wouldn’t benefit from that handy tip?) You can learn how to inconspicuously plant a bug in your wife’s car. (Good to know, if you suspect she’s cheating.) And you can learn to bamboozle your way out of just about anything. Judd makes it look easy.
If you haven’t seen Eyes, take a peek. It airs at 10 p.m. on Wednesdays. 
JAG – It’s over folks. CBS confirmed Monday that JAG won’t return next season. The show wraps up its 10-year run with the series finale at 9 p.m. on April 29. Let’s hope the network has crafted a resolution to the years-long romantic attraction between Harm and Mac to give them, and thousands of fans, the happy ending they deserve.
Originally published 4/6/05 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.
December 29, 2004
While you’ve been busy stuffing your Christmas goose and threatening Santa with lawsuits for bringing you fruitcake yet again, I’ve been reflecting on the past year in television. From embarrassing to outrageous, one thing is for sure: 2004 was no bore.
Best guilty pleasure: Pimp My Ride on MTV. If only this show had existed in 1989, my red Chevy Chevette with fog lights could have been sweet.
Best evidence that there is intelligent life form on Earth: Ken Jennings’ winning streak on Jeopardy.
Best proof aliens exist: Anna Nicole Smith at The American Music Awards. What was that?
Worst TV moment: Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl.
Best TV moment: The return of scripted programs scoring with viewers, instead of reality shows.
Best scary, make-your-hair-stand-up moment: The masked carver stalking Sean in the shower on Nip/Tuck.
Tackiest commercial: Spoofing the feed-the-children commercials to peddle pick-up trucks.
Most ridiculous cancellation: Angel. Enough said.
Funniest presidential campaign moment: The yawning boy at the George W. Bush rally. His boredom made him a star.
Most embarrassing moment: Ashlee Simpson busted for lip-synching on Saturday Night Live. And to finish off the Milli Vanilli moment, that jig she called a dance looked like she was stepping on hot coals.
Best show you’re not getting: Scrubs. Dr. Cox rules, people.
Best reason to love David Letterman and Jay Leno: The Tony Danza Show. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Tony because of his Who’s the Boss? years, but his newest gig is evidence that not every nice guy can pull off an entertaining talk show.
Best good-bye: Tom Brokaw signing off after 23 years as the evening news anchor on NBC.
Worst moment of violence: The NBA Pistons-Pacers brawl. With all the fighting currently in the world, grown adults acting like imbeciles is inexcusable.
Best excuse to stay home on Friday nights: Harmon Rabb, Jr. in uniform on JAG.
Best commercial attempt that doesn’t work: Ovaltine. No matter how many cute kids with mittens come running in from the snow begging for this “rich, creamy” hot-cocoa-like drink, I’m not buying it. No matter how you dress it up, it’s still Ovaltine.
Best reason to learn to set your VCR: Wednesday nights are packed full of good TV. It’s home to Lost, Smallville, Kevin Hill, Jack and Bobby and The West Wing.
Most overly dramatic show promos: ER. The network has overused the dramatic promo device so much that it’s no longer effective. Every week can’t possibly be the biggest ER ever.
Worst new show: Father of the Pride. I’m usually a sucker for animation, but The Simpsons this isn’t. It started strong, but took a nosedive.
Most welcome recurring guest star: Ed may have been canceled, but Thomas Cavanaugh didn’t get stuck in Stuckeyville. He’s played a big brother on Jack and Bobby and Scrubs.
Most unnecessary replay: The networks relentless airing of Howard Dean’s exuberant speech.
Best series finale: Friends. Despite all the buzz, it was a fitting end for a fan favorite.
Best series debut: Lost. Show me anyone who sat through the first heart-stopping 20 minutes and isn’t hooked.
Worst cancellation: LAX. I’m still scratching my head why this fun hour of TV didn’t score with viewers. It was Heather Locklear, folks.
Best fast talker: Seth Cohen of The O.C. If you don’t have closed captioning on your TV, you’re probably missing most of Seth’s hilarious rants.
Best frivolous hour of TV: Las Vegas. With all the guest stars, it’s starting to rival The Love Boat.
Worst wasted moment: Donna’s accident on The West Wing. If ever there was a moment for Josh to ‘fess up his feeling for his lovely assistant, you’d think almost getting killed in a car explosion would be it.
Most over-hyped event: Trista and Ryan’s wedding. It was everywhere. It also set the trend for the year: Pink was the new black.
Best philanthropic moment: Any episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
Best surprise: Oprah giving away cars to her studio audience.
Best tribute: Coverage of former President Ronald Reagan’s funeral.
Best reason to watch TV during the summer: The Olympics.
Happy New Year, Tubers!
Originally published 12/29/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.
 December 22, 2004
I owe the Navy an apology. Like indoor plumbing and fat-free potato chips, I’ve taken JAG for granted.
If you must know, I was home Friday night. And just as I was settling down for a long winter’s nap, I rediscovered one of my favorite shows that, frankly, I’d forgotten. I’m sorry Harm, Mac, Bud, and Sturges. You deserve better. I’m ashamed you’ve been swept aside for Lost, Desperate Housewives, and The O.C. But I’m back to give you my full attention.
I hadn’t watched in a while, so a few things came to mind: - Note to Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie: Stop obsessing over Webb, your dead boyfriend. He’s alive and kicking over on Wisteria Lane married to Desperate Housewives Bree Van De Camp.
- I miss the Admiral. It’s just not the same without him. How can you not love a guy who named his dog Damn-It?
- Where are Tiner and Victor? These two made up a stellar supporting cast and provided some light-hearted humor.
- What the heck is Zulu time? All these years, and I never investigated that term until last weekend. After a quick trip on the information superhighway, I found out that it’s one of the world’s 24 time zones and actually refers to the time at the prime meridian.
It’s hard to believe JAG has been on the air for nine years. It’s a miracle the show found viewers at all, considering it’s been scheduled on five different nights during its run. But slow and steady wins the race, and JAG has remained consistently good drama, flying under the radar.
I’m a sucker for a man in uniform. And when that man looks and acts like Naval lawyer Harmon Rabb Jr., well, forget it. He plays guitar, flies fighter jets, and defends the innocent. He even cooks.
After being diagnosed with night blindness, Harm traded in his bomber jacket to work for the Judge Advocate General Corps, to defend the law of the sea. The show tackles complex military cases, often ripped from the current headlines. Whether it’s overworked soldiers, insufficient equipment, friendly fire, or women’s rights in Saudi Arabia, JAG doesn’t back away from controversial stories.
If the military plots aren’t gripping enough for you, there is the underlying romantic tension between Harm and Mac. The writers have been tormenting viewers for years with the will-they-won’t-they subplot. This show is still a pleaser, after all these years.
In my opinion, JAG is still top gun. Catch it Fridays at 9 p.m. Eastern time. For those of you on the Zulu clock, you’re on your own.
Originally published 12/22/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.
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Dana Delany, of China Beach fame, could end up a desperate housewife.
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