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I’m not sure how I missed this, but apparently former Smallville heartthrob Eric Johnson, aka Whitney Fordman, is the new Flash Gordon. Johnson has landed the lead in the new Sci-fi series Flash Gordon, according to TV Guide. The show is set to debut in August. Apparently, Lana Lang really does have a thing for super heroes.

The adorable Kristin Chenoweth (The West Wing) will guest star in the season finale of Ugly Betty on May 17. Rumor has it she’ll play an orthodontic technician, so I guess we haven’t seen the last of Betty’s orthodontist. Meanwhile, Beverly Hills 90210 alumnus Rebecca Gayheart, also known as the real-life Mrs. McSteamy, will guest star on Ugly Betty during May sweeps. Gayheart will play Alex’s former girlfriend.

Former soap star and Dancing With the Stars alumnus Lisa Rinna is replacing Joan and Melissa Rivers as TV Guide Channel’s Red Carpet Host. Perhaps we should have a moment of silence? I’ll miss Joan and her humorous gaffes and her natural ability to tick off celebs. For years, the Rivers ladies made the red carpet almost more fun than the actual awards shows. I hope the Rivers gals will turn up somewhere for awards season. But since they were already booted from E!, I’m not sure what other network has a vacancy. Rinna makes her debut at the Emmys in September 2007.

Dallas star Victoria Principal has reserved a ride to space with Virgin Galactic, according to E!Online. The inaugural space flight reportedly costs $265,000 and will last for 80 minutes. The former Pamela Ewing will head to space in 2008, if all goes well with the planned launch. J.R. is gonna be so jealous.

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TV moms

May 4, 2005

Television mothers are a breed all to themselves. Some inspire. (Marion Cunningham) Some conspire. (Samantha Stephens) And some just perspire. (Marge Simpson)

With Mother’s Day a few days away, I thought it only fitting to take a look at some of television’s most unique and hard-working mothers. TV moms usually can be grouped into one of two categories: painfully perfect or woefully inadequate. Regardless of how you categorize these lovely ladies, they are all entertaining.

Most comforting mom – Marion Cunningham, Happy Days. She made a mean pot roast, kept an immaculate house, and even darned socks. And she did it all in a dress, heels, and a perfectly styled up-do. Whether talking the birds and bees with Richard and Joanie or doling out advice to The Fonz, Mrs. C. was the show’s heart. There’s just something reassuring about a mom who cooks, cleans, and counsels with a twinkle in her eye and every hair in place. Her sense of humor and, sometimes, silly mistakes gave Mrs. C the edge in this category over fellow classic mother June Cleaver. Without Marion, Happy Days would have been just mediocre days.

Most patient mom – Marge Simpson, The Simpsons. Bart Simpson alone would test the patience of a saint. Add in the fact that Lisa’s constantly honking on that saxophone and Maggie can’t seem to get rid of that pacifier, and Marge could be a candidate for the most in need of a vacation. How this hard worker gets through the day without downing a mouth full of Zoloft is beyond me. Her patience is endless, considering her kids never seem to get any older.

Most incapable of cutting the apron strings – Ellie Ewing, Dallas. Known as Miss Ellie to all those near and dear, this mom was no pushover. Except when it came to telling her grown sons it was time to leave the nest. Granted, the nest was a sprawling mansion on a beautiful ranch, but still. Having sons J.R. and Bobby Ewing and their wives and children all under one roof was asking a bit much. This dysfunctional group could have used a session with Dr. Phil.

Coolest mom – Samantha Stephens, Bewitched. Sorry, but she’s a witch who can make things happen with just a twitch of her cute, upturned nose. That alone makes her the hands-down winner for this category. Watching Samantha handle her husband and juggle the daily chores of domesticity was fun. It gave a whole new meaning to the term “the magic of motherhood.”

Most envied mom – Carol Brady, The Brady Bunch. She had a live-in maid, a gorgeous husband, a cool house with a grand staircase, and six perfect children. What’s not to envy? She always seemed to know the right thing to say and the right amount of punishment to dish out if the kids stepped out of line. Perhaps her most enviable trait was that her kids actually listened.

Least savvy mom – Joyce Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not many mothers would allow their teenaged daughter to roam around cemeteries in the dead of night fighting and killing vampires. And I don’t know one who would be cool with that daughter dating a 200-year-old vampire. It’s safe to say that Joyce had questionable mothering skills. In her defense, she was clueless for most of the time, assuming Buffy was doing homework instead of staking the undead.

On a personal note, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish my mom a Happy Mother’s Day. In preparing my comments for this column, I accidentally discovered that the word “mom,” when written upside down, looks like “wow.” Which is funny, really, because that's exactly what she said that year in grade school when I made her a pencil holder out of felt and a rusty soup can.

Mom, thanks for all you’ve done and for not getting too mad the year I broke the chandelier with my baton.

Originally published 5/4/05 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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TV's all-time best characters

March 10, 2004

What do Spike, Deputy Barney Fife, and J.R. Ewing have in common?

They’re some of my all-time favorite TV characters that I’d most like to have to dinner. Of course, I’d have to make room for a few other favorites. And that list is pretty big. But just imagine this dinner conversation: Alex P. Keaton talking about whom he’s endorsing for president. Murphy Brown explaining the role the media played in Martha Stewart’s conviction. Jed Clampett telling us the best way to clean the cement pond. And Jerry Seinfeld going on about ... well, nothing.

TV’s most memorable characters can usually be identified by just one name. Who doesn’t recognize Lucy, Dawson, Roseanne, or Felicity?

But compiling a list of the all-time best characters, is a tough job, even for a TV expert such as myself. Where do you draw the line?Are cartoon characters a separate category, or can Bugs Bunny be included in the list? Should I choose characters by topic, such as best detectives, funniest females, who looks best in leather pants? Or should I group them decade-by-decade?

You see my dilemma.

For my favorite TV doctors, Doug Ross, Cliff Huxtable, and Michaela Quinn would certainly make the cut. And for favorite detectives, no list would be complete without Andy Sipowicz, Thomas Magnum, and Adrian Monk.

But what about actors who’ve pulled double duty and created more than one memorable character? Do you chose Opie Taylor or Richie Cunningham? Zack Morris or John Clark Jr.? Michael Knight or Mitch Buchannon?

And what about favorite aliens? Is it really fair to include Clark Kent in the same category as ALF?

Some characters have endeared themselves to me with a simple phrase. For Archie Bunker, it was the invention of “meathead.” For Vinnie Barbarino, it was that cocky slur “Mis-tuh Kot-ter.” For other characters, I love them for their abilities. Who could resist a man like MacGyver, who can scale a mountain with only a shoestring? Or Buffy Summers, who can stake a vampire after landing a back handspring?

Narrowing my list of favorites to the top 10 is even more difficult, like trying to pick your favorite kind of chocolate. So I’ve decided, the more the merrier.

Sure, my dinner party may be crowded. But it won’t be dull. And planning the seating chart is the most fun I’ve had in a long time.I think it’s safe to put Hawkeye Pierce next to Wonder Woman. But, seating Marcia Brady next to Joey Tribbiani could be troublesome.

I’m not sure Frasier Crane would have much in common with Crockett and Tubbs. But watching Bret Maverick share some card tips with La Femme Nikita would be a hoot. And who could resist eavesdropping on bionic woman Jaime Sommers discussing home improvement projects with Tim Taylor, or listening to Cosmo Kramer and Ed Stevens discuss the merits of a good bowling shirt?

And there’s one match I’m certain would be a hit: Wile E. Coyote and Lex Luthor. With Lex’s advice, maybe that pesky Road Runner would finally get his comeuppance.

Originally published 3/10/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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Qualified to Tube Talk

February 4, 2004

I’ve finally landed my dream job: to watch television and talk about it.

I’m not worried about the pressure of writing a weekly TV column. Nope. Not me. No pressure here. In fact, I can’t think of a career for which I’m better suited. Rest assured readers. I’ve done my homework. You can learn a lot from watching television, if you pay attention.

For example, when rushed to the emergency room it’s important to ask for a CBC and Chem-7. (That’s what they do on ER) I’ve learned the three ways to kill a vampire are decapitation, direct sunlight and the classic wooden stake to the heart. (Thank you Buffy.) I can tell you who shot J.R., the meaning of yada, yada, yada and Beverly Hills’ most famous zip code. (It’s 90210 if you care.)

I admit my TV tastes run the gamut, and I’m willing to try new shows. Sometimes it works. Sometimes… not so much. Shamefully, I’ve been addicted to some I should never confess to watching. For every Friends, I’ve had a Scarecrow and Mrs. King. For every NYPD Blue, I’ve had a Good Morning, Miami.

Disgraceful, yes. But, I blame my parents for my television fixation. It all started when they refused my request to vacation at the Grand Canyon to ride pack mules like TheBrady Bunch. From then on, I traveled the modern world on The Love Boat, visited the Old West with Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and solved murder mysteries with Magnum, P.I., all through the magic box in our living room.

Call me a geek, a pop-culture junkie. It’s true. I can’t deny it. But when you need to know who played the role of Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years, I’m your gal. You see, I’ve aggressively studied the world of television to prepare for this gig as an intrepid TV columnist. Sure, you can say I’m a little obsessed. But it’s not all bad. My obsession has led me to some pretty interesting places.

I’ve visited the Southfork Ranch in Dallas. (I even stuck my toe in the pool that Bobby Ewing used for his morning laps.) I’ve toured the set of Dawson’s Creek, in North Carolina, and in the name of curious fans everywhere, peeked into Dawson’s refrigerator. I’ve stood at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C. and marveled at Archie Bunker’s chair and Fonzie’s leather jacket.

So, I hope you’ll join me each week for a little tube talk, where I’ll discuss what’s on television. (And what shouldn’t be on television.) Maybe I’ll even get you to tune in for something you’re not currently watching, or reveal some interesting tidbits you haven’t discovered yet about your favorite show.

I’m here to help you navigate the rocky road of television. I’m not afraid. I’ll muddle through and find something worth talking about. If not, I’ll just turn the channel.

Originally published 2/4/04 in The Exponent Telegram newspaper.

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