The best and worst of Emmys 2007

Tony Soprano didn’t take home the gold. Neither did Denny Crane.

But those weren’t the most shocking moments of Emmy night. Nope, that honor goes to Sally Field, Ray Romano and Katherine Heigl for their potty mouths. And you thought the Emmys was just another boring award show.

Host Ryan Seacrest did a decent job, but quite frankly, he didn’t do much “hosting.” Thankfully, he left the stand-up comedy bits to the likes of Ray Romano and Ellen DeGeneres. Wise move, Ryan.

Here’s a rundown of the best and worst moments of the night.

Oh no, he didn’t!: During his opening monologue, Ryan Seacrest struck up a conversation with Eva Longoria about her dress and shoes, when he noticed her costar and his former dating companion Teri Hatcher. “Hello, Teri,” Seacrest purred seductively, as the audience erupted in laughter. Hatcher smiled awkwardly, as he added a quick, “You look great!” Nice save, Seacrest.

Worst skit: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and a leaf blower. It pains me to list two of the funniest guys on the planet under worst skit, but their bit about the “green Emmys” and a leaf blower, well, blew. It was so strained, that it appeared even they knew it wasn’t working. Colbert did have one funny line. He said his leaf blower ran on alternative fuel: “Al Gore’s tears; he’s a crybaby.”

Best ad-libbed moment: Jon Stewart redeemed himself when he and Colbert announced Ricky Gervais as the winner for best actor in a comedy. Gervais was a no-show to the event, so Stewart decided to give the award to someone else. “Ricky Gervais couldn’t be here tonight, so instead we’re going to give this to our friend Steve Carell.” The audience howled as Carell ran onstage, jumping in glee.

Strangest moment: Ryan Seacrest took the stage wearing a Henry VIII costume from the show The Tudors to do a gay joke. “This looked a lot less gay on the rack. Can I keep it?” Somewhere, Simon Cowell was rolling his eyes.

The musical montage: Ryan Seacrest didn’t sing. Lucky for us, he knows his limits. Instead, the Family Guy’s Brian and Stewey took the stage and delivered some funny musical lines including this gem: “ABC has got a lineup that is refreshing and alive, with its hits like Desperate Housewives just continuing to thrive. And those women look sensational for being 65!” Then, they went on to pick on The Sopranos infamous series ending, as they sang: “The Sopranos is a show I’d recommend, because you never know just how it’s gonna”…(the screen faded to black and silence, as the audience roared with laughter.) The singing duo also joked about the Grey’s Anatomy controversy. They sang that NBC was looking at bringing back Seinfeld, but with Isaiah Washington as Kramer. The camera then cut to T.R. Knight, smiling awkwardly. Ouch.

Who knew John Locke was funny? Claiming the prize for best supporting actor in a a drama series, Lost actor Terry O’Quinn delivered a funny speech about his working conditions: “Sometimes, when we’re rolling around in the jungle in the mud, and we’re hitting each other and stabbing each other and shooting each other and they’re pouring on the blood, I wonder what it would be like to bake up a sheet of cookies on Wisteria Lane. And get one of their checks.”

Best looking couple: Grey’s Anatomy star Katherine Heigl and Friday Night Lights star Kyle Chandler took the stage to present an award, but the two looked like they belonged on top of a wedding cake, instead. She was stunning in a long white gown, and he was equally stunning in an elegant black suit. Sadly, these two won’t ever get to share a scene on Grey’s; they blew him to bits in last year’s season finale.

Inside joke or coincidence?: I couldn’t help but laugh when Christina Aguilera sang Stepping out With my Baby with Tony Bennett. The pop star is rumored to be pregnant.

No one delivers a joke like Doogie: Neil Patrick Harris is a gem on How I Met Your Mother as ladies man Barney, where he delivers some of the best comedy on the tube. (Yes, I’m ticked he didn’t win for supporting actor.) In one of the funniest jokes of the night, Harris took aim at fellow presenter Hayden Panettiere when he delivered this line: “Hayden just turned 18. You know what that means ….new voter.”

You can’t say that!: The censors got a workout during the ceremony, but didn’t do the censoring very smoothly. Those watching at home weren’t sure what happened when the sound was cut and the screen showed a weird shot of the set, during Ray Romano’s comedy bit. He apparently used another word for “sleeping with” when taking a jab at his former costar Patricia Heaton’s new TV job. Later, the censors tried, awkwardly, to quickly cut away from Katherine Heigl as she uttered the word “S---“ on hearing her name called for best supporting actress in a drama. And finally, the censors silenced they flying nun. Yep, the censors cut the end of Sally Field’s acceptance speech for lead actress in a drama. She was almost finished with her “if mothers ruled the world” anti-war speech when she got a little too passionate and used the word “God” in front of “damned.”

Seacrest’s best joke: Taking a jab at notorious ladies man Jeremy Piven, of Entourage, Seacrest spotted gorgeous Heroes star Hayden Panettiere in the audience. “Congratulations on turning 18, Hayden. My gift: seating you as far away from Jeremy Piven as possible.”

You say “toe-may-toe” I say “toe-mah-toe”: The announcer mispronounced Katherine Heigl’s last name as “high-gel,” as she took the stage to present an award. Katherine quickly corrected the woman, saying, “It’s Hi-Gul,” laughing along with the audience. “It’s alright. It’s a hard name.” Later, when Heigl’s name was called for the best supporting actress in a drama, she acknowledged the announcer’s effort:“Thanks for getting my name right!”

Tell it like it is: Comedian Lewis Black did a stand-up bit during the show that at first seemed out of place. That was, until he began ranting against the TV networks for their ubuiquitous pop-up adverstisements, during programs, telling us what’s on next and for replacing the credits at the end of the shows with previews of what’s coming on next. As you know, I share his passion on the subject. He then took the news stations to task for the continuous crawl at the bottom of the screen: “The only thing you give us is attention deficit disorder!” Preach it, brother.


Elaine Stritch is hilarious: Whenever Elaine Stritch takes the Emmy stage, you know something intersting is about to happen. She usually keeps the audience in stitches and this year was no exception. She bumbled the reading of the teleprompter during her presenting gig before explaining to the audience that the mistake wasn’t planned: “I’m not faking this. I really don’t know what the Hell I’m doing.”

Best speech: James Spader delivered the goods. Looking completely stunned that TV mob boss James Gandolfini didn’t win, Spader began his speech with that acknowledgement. “I feel like I just stole a pile of money from the mob,” he quipped. Still shocked, he continued, “Where the Hell is Elaine Stritch when you need her?” Spader then went on to scold the Emmy folks for seating his bosses and half the audience behind the stage, where they could see only the backs of those on stage: “I’ve been to thousands of concerts in my life, and these are the worst seats I’ve ever had.” The audience erupted in laughter. Hey, I’d be pissed, too, if I had to watch the backs of people heads for the entire night. Spader then acknowledged the other nominees and issued a quick thank you.

Funniest presenters: Brad Garrett and Joely Fisher were hysterical during their presenting bit. “Do you like my dress,” Fisher asked, about her sexy gown with a plunging neckline. The 6-foot-plus Garrett glanced down and joked, “You should see it from up here. Note to self: Buy milk.” Garrett went on to complement Fisher’s appearance: “I think you just made Charlie Sheen’s to do list: that’s how amazing you look.” Cut to Charlie Sheen in the audience, shaking his head and laughing.

Hollywood loves Al Gore: At first I was confused as to why Al Gore was getting a standing ovation for co-founding Current TV, an interactive TV network. I’d never even heard of Current TV. (I know I’m not alone here, so Google it.) Then, I realized the audience wasn’t applauding his TV venture, just Al. They love this guy and his efforts to save the environement.

Dead people can’t hear, but we can: One of my pet peeves at these awards shows involves the somber memoriam tributes. As clips of the dearly departed are shown, from time to time, the audience erupts in applause. I propose that they either hold their applause to the end, or clap for all of the deceased. It’s offensive that some dead folks seem worthy of applause, but not all. Dead people can’t hear, but we can, and their families can, too.

Fashion notes: Strapless is in, ladies, in a big way. A slew of ladies wore strapless gowns to the event. As for best and worst dressed, no one pulled a Bjork this year, so I won’t pick on anyone particular. I loved Kate Walsh and Ali Larter’s red gowns. Vanessa Williams ruled the roost in a gorgeous green-feathered number. Felicity Huffman went glam with a hot pink plunging neckline, and Sandra Oh looked the best I’ve ever seen her at an awards show. Oh, when did Ugly Betty get so thin? America Ferrara looked beautiful in blue but very skinny compared to last year. I didn’t love Jaime Pressly’s gown. It seemed a little too “old” for her. In other words, her character Joy wouldn’t be caught dead in it. McDreamy, aka Patrick Dempsey, looked gorgeous, but why didn’t he do any of the red-carpet pre-show interviews?

Preshow fun: E! still does the best pre-show, but their entertainment news crawl at the bottom of the screen drove me insane! I was trying to listen to the stars’ interviews, look at their gowns, shoes, jewels, watch the cut-in box to see who else was arriving, and read the crawl at the bottom of the screen. No one’s brain can take in that much information, unless they have ADD. The crawl did reveal some fun facts: Lost’s Evangeline Lilly changed oil on big rigs to earn money for college and worked as a waitress and flight attendant, and Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl starred in the lowest-earning movie in history, the 2006 thriller Zyzzyx Road grossed $30 t the box office. Over on the TV Guide channel, Joey Fatone and Lisa Rinna seemed nervous and anxious and rushed the celebrities off instead of chatting with them about their shows. Rinna’s catchphrase of “Have fun tonight” started to grate my nerves after she said it a hundred times. Is it too late to get Joan and Melissa back?

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