Skating With Celebrities: Yeah. I went there.

At the risk of alienating my friends and setting myself up to be ridiculed until I’m nursing-home bound, I admit I’ve been watching Skating With Celebrities.

Go ahead, laugh, if you must. But who out there could resist the lure of Different Strokes’ Willis (Todd Bridges) attempting a triple “sow cow?” You know that’s must-see-TV.

After weeks of watching B-list celebrities learn that the ice rink can be a quick ticket to the emergency room, actress Kristy Swanson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and her partner, skating-professional Lloyd Eisler, emerged as the winners of the competition. Not unscathed, however. One week, Swanson took a face-first header into the ice, in what can only be described as a death spiral (even if that isn’t the technical skating term for the crazy move that had Eisler twirling her by a leg and an arm, like a lasso, only a few inches from the ice.) Swanson was bleeding from the chin and stunned, but vowed she wouldn’t give up until she slayed the competition. OK, my words, not hers. But, that is one tough chick.

And so were the rest of the competitors. Bruce Jenner also did a face-plant into the ice that proudly earned him multiple stitches. Celebrity journalist Jillian Barberie had blisters and bruised ribs. And in the unintentionally funniest moment I’ve seen this year, Jenner and partner Tai Babilonia accidentally skated entirely off the ice rink, up onto a stage. Babilonia looked like she was tiptoeing through the tulips as she tried to regain her footing, before stepping back down to the ice. Priceless. Full House funnyman Dave Coulier emerged healthy, but his skates weren’t as fortunate. He filed off his toe picks to make them more like his hockey skates and easier to maneuver. Hilarious.

See what you’ve been missing? You’re not mocking me now, are you?

I admit the lure of this show was the prospect of these celebrities flattening themselves or possibly achieving grace, beauty and success on the ice. In the end, they did both.

The skate-off finale between Eisler/Swanson and Barberie and her professional partner, John Zimmerman, had some hold-your-breath moments. Eisler attempted a one-armed, above-the-shoulder lift that almost went awry, and Barberie tried a double axel that landed her succinctly on her rock-hard derriere.

I give both couples a 10 for effort. As for me, I’m inspired. If they ever have a Skating With Television Critics, I’m so entering. I’m already doing research. I found a Web site that explains how to do a “sow cow” (salchow), lutz and a toe loop http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/skating/skating3.html#para3.

Look out Slayer, I’m coming for you.

Tube talk girl can be reached by e-mail at jennifer@tube-talk.com.

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